Being a Therapist

I don't talk about some things out of deep respect...so I am left with vague expressions to describe soul-deep mourning.

When in the presence of genuine suffering it is my response to fix it or at least offer comfort. But sometimes it is necessary, therapeutic, to let them suffer. I did that today. I only hope it was worth it.

THEY FIT

For the last two weeks I have risen, on work days, at 5:15 am to work out.  Some days I even worked out twice.  There were no days off, not even Sunday.  All for the goal of fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  I'm not the type of person that has to lose weight.  I don't really care how much I weigh as long as I look good in my clothes.  And let me tell you, I didn't look so good in my clothes after Baby came along.  In fact, it was depressing.  Not so much because of my vanity, but because of my pocketbook.  I have spent a lot of time, energy, and money on building my wardrobe and I hate wasting time, I really hate expending energy for no reason, and I REALLY REALLY HATE wasting money. 

It has all paid off, at least almost.  I fit into my tightest pair of jeans today!  Woo-hoo.  I love those jeans.  They are low rise with a flare leg.  They have rips all over and on the back pocket is a stitched rainbow.  They sound ugly by my description but they are all ME.  They make me feel good and they make me look good.  I figure I still have two inches to come off of my waist to make them fit like they did before.  But hey, I can button them and in the female world, that is all that matters.

P.S.  My 16 year-old six pack is returning--I didn't even think that was possible.  You'll have to tune in to see if, when I lose the two inches, I post a picture.  BTW, it's the six-pack I only had as a sixteen year-old.   

Utah

There's a few things that set the state of Utah apart from other states:

1.  Pioneer Day, today

This is a holiday that is only celebrated here in Utah.  A day to celebrate the travails of Utah founders (that is the white settlers).  The American Indians, the Utes as one example, 'founded' Utah long before.  I spent my Pioneer Day shopping with Baby.  I had the bright idea to run errands but everywhere I needed to go was closed...I don't know about you, but I have a hard time enjoying a mid-week holiday as a holiday should be enjoyed.  The anticipation of having to go back to work tomorrow squeezes the fun right out of it.  It was nice to have an FMLA-like day with Baby though.  Since he is older we could do more things like work out, be out of the house for a whole four hours, etc.  I think he liked having me home.

2.  The Seagull is the state bird.

For those of you non-Utahns out there, here's why. When the Pioneers (those I am commemorating today) arrived in the Salt Lake Valley it was quite miserable including marsh-like conditions, mosquitos, and other sorts of nuisances everyone hates when they move into a new home...

That first planting season an unfortunate even occurred:  locusts came by the millions and began eating the crops to nothing.  The Pioneers, being a faithful people, prayed that God would spare their crops.  A miracle happened.  Seagulls came and at all of the locusts saving the settler's crops.  There is a monument at Temple Square now which depicts the miracle.

3.  The Loads of Mormons

Do I need to say anything more about that?  

But, as a result of the numerous Mormons there are funny things about Utah:

4.  The State the Consumes the Most Jello 

compared to all of the other states.  In fact, though I'm not sure how official this is, Jello is the state food.

5.  The Largest Organ in the world

lives in the Tabernacle at Temple Square (Salt Lake City).  Apparently some of the pipes are so big an adult man can stand comfortably inside.  Although, I'm not sure how comfortable a nearly 200 year old pipe could really be.

6. The Golden Spike

which it seems every business in Weber Co. was named after.  The Golden Spike was where the Union Pacific and the Trans-Atlantic railroads met creating a glorious moment in history for consumerism and capitalism.  

7.  The Salt Lake

My dad would go to Utah from time to time when I was a kid and I remember thinking (being born and raised in Oregon and having never stepped foot in Utah until I was 17) the Salt Lake was probably the most beautiful lake on earth.  Well, in all reality (not to let down others' childhood fantasies) the Salt Lake is one of the ugliest and grossest lakes on earth.  It stinks.  I live approximately four miles from the north eastern shoreline and oh boy when the wind blows right (or wrong) it smells like someone let out a SBD; this can last for days.  

L and I had our engagement pictures at Antelope Island which is one of many islands in the Great Salt Lake and they turned out fab but we had to endure the elements:  the stink, the millions and millions of bugs--which in the pictures look like a cool photographer trick to make the bottom of the picture hazy...that's how many there actually was, the blazing hot sun because there is zero natural shade--nothing grows naturally because of the salt, the brine shrimping boats--not like Bubba Gump shrimping boats (brine shrimp feed your pet fish), etc.

8.  Narcissistic Drivers

I was listening to a radio show the other day with a Truck Driver as a guest and he said there are places that actually are worse than Utah when it comes to bad driving--he said St. Louise is really bad.

9.  The Best Snow on Earth

So proclaims the Utah license plate.  L is an avid skier and I of course am not.  I didn't think there could be much difference in snow but apparently I was wrong...a girl I used to work with had moved to Utah from NYC and I asked her one day how she liked the severe and jarring difference in culture and she said it doesn't bother her much.  When I showed my surprise she said, "Everything I deal with culturally is worth it because Utah has the best snow on earth."  She then went to on to say she has skied all over the world, including the Alps, and she said that Utah's snow is by far the best and that is the ENTIRE reason she moved and has stayed.  

I did some research...Utah's snow is so good because of the Great Salt Lake (so it is good for something).  When the lake evaporates there is some salt in the evaporation and when it condenses into snow it creates a very light and fluffy snow--good for skiing and falling (mostly why I now appreciate it).  This is unlike the heavy and wet snow Oregon gets.

9.  Salt

Because of the wealth of salt, Utah salts their freeways and roads instead of sanding them during snow storms.  Salt drops the freezing temperature which allows my place of employment demand I show up on time no matter how snowy it is.

10.  Crappy Roads and Crappy Cars

As a result of all of the snow and salt.  The salt eats the pavement and eats car paint.  The underbelly of a Utah car (and sadly the top part of our Hon.da) are usually rusty.

11.  Temples

In Utah there is a plethora of Mormon Temples which are magnificent buildings.  If you are standing at one point on I215, or standing at one place in the SLC airport you can see two temples at once--the Salt Lake Temple (probably the most famous one, the one that looks like a castle) to the east and the Bountiful Temple to the north.  I bet you could actually see three or almost four (as one is being constructed right now) if you stood on one of the Western Mountains.  

12.  You Always Know Where You Are

which is one of my favorite things about Utah.  The big mountains are on the East and so you can always gauge which direction you are going.  Plus, Utah cities have been built on a grid system which makes finding anything a breeze.  

That is not the only reason you always know where you are.  It is just as hard to forget you're in Utah as it is to forget you are in Venice.  Different reasons, Utah culture just screams from every nook and cranny...

13.  Big Hair

Utahns seem to have large and in charge hair.  I'm not sure the cultural roots of this phenomenon but I have a snide/sarcastic guess:  Utahns are a traditional people and maybe they have not altogether let go of the pompodeor (My spell check didn't offer me any other spellings for that word). 

14.  BYU

My alma-mater.  The institution that brought me to Utah.  BYU is a beautiful school--you should go there sometime just to appreciate how nice it is.  BUT, I didn't always appreciate my time there for reasons that would necessitate a separate blog entry.  Any-hoo, BYU is the most efficient and busy school in the world.  I read, in my BYU magazine, that BYU has something going on in nearly every building on campus every single day of every single year.   And I complain about my electric bill!

15.  Swamp Coolers

Because it is arid here we can use these contraptions to cool our house that are not A/C.  And they actually work.  Except if you have ever been to my house in the summer you are thinking to yourself, "Uh, yours doesn't work."  You are correct.  Our sucks.  It has a 1 horse power engine, which is huge if you think that sounds small.  Sometimes I imagine it is a real horse up there driving my swamp cooler engine and I wish I had a jockey with a whip to get that thing going...so that my house actually cools down.

Anyway, this is how they work:  It is a box that holds pads on the walls of the box.  Inside the engine turns a fan while water is sprayed from a shower-type thing onto the pads (cooling them).  The fan catches the cool air and blows it into the house.  Along with all sorts of unwanted things like bugs, allergens, dirt, oil (from the 1 horse engine)--and you know how I feel about my white carpet, rain (it sits on the roof), lightening (unfortunately for a friend of mine), and noise.

This is where I will end because I am going to celebrate the Pioneers more by watching family members blow things up.  Feel free to add your own observations about Utah...

ALTHOUGH I DON'T EXPECT MUCH SINCE MY READERS DON'T EVER COMMENT...

Quirks

Something L said the other day made me think about his quirkiness which led me to think about my quirkiness and then Baby's quirkiness. Here are a few about us you might find funny and/or interesting...or maybe it's just me who thinks they are funny and/or interesting

L:

-You know that "Tic Toc" Madonna and JT song? It really bothers him that a) there is only four minutes to save the world. He says that is just not enough time. Hasn't he seen any James Bond movies? and b) that the song does not delineate what exactly is destroying the world.

-He will use no other toilet paper than Char.min Ult.ra, the most expensive.

-He does not throw away trash, bring things in, or spot clean his car (all taking but a few seconds or minutes) but he will spend hours and hours detailing it.

-He will all out clean the kitchen floor but will not put the mop and bucket away.

-He used to refuse to wear white shirts to church, calling them lame but now he wears nothing other than white shirts to church while all of his other ones we bought over the years collect dust.

-His morality cannot handle the following: cigarette smoking and tattoos. Just reading this will start him on a soliloquy about them.

-He always thinks he has food poisoning.

-He cannot turn down free food.

-He thinks all free food is good food, even when it makes him sick, even though he worries about food poisoning.

-He wants his birthday celebrated for the entire month, and he thinks everyone that has ever met him should attend a mass celebration to express their gratitude he was born.

-He always "Knows a Guy" who will "Hook Him Up."

-He calls his classic Camaro his "weekend car" although he only drives it in the summer, rarely on weekends.

-He LOVES soy milk

M:

-I will not wear white shoes, white pants, or a white skirt after labor day or before Easter. But off-white is acceptable and so is a white dress.

-I do not wear any other color but white socks, and on the occasion I do, I stress out all day about it.

-No matter how much I try, I cannot spell 'occasion' correctly.

-I refuse to use the word "Binkie". I have caved on the others.

-I hate being late but love leaving early

-'Gift shops' at museums and or theme parks really annoy me, except the one at Tillamook Cheese Factory.

-I can't stop eating Che.x Party Mix until I become physically ill and even that does not avert me to later Che.x Party Mix binges.

-I have allowed my Cilantro to die for the third summer in a row even though I totally know how not to kill it.

-I love Hip Hop music but I am not a teenager, nor did I grow up in Urban America.

-I could spend all day, every day watching Fo.od Net.work.

-I like living in Utah.  I'm not sure when this happened and I can't believe I am admitting it!

-I pick my nose in the car and I think is funny when I get caught.

-I named my cat Damnit and I have no intention of changing her name for Baby's sake.  (Side Story:  the other day she ran off while we were outside and we began a frantic search through the neighbor's--aka the RS President--yard yelling Damnit's name at the top of our lungs!)

-I am an Eagle Eye, much to L's dismay.

-I can yo-yo like nobody's business and sometimes when I have a no-show at work I yo-yo in my office.

-My sense of smell is so sensitive I have gone to great lengths to avoid smells I know I don't like including refusing to take classes in one of the BYU buildings.

-I can type 100 words a minute and was the apple of my high school keyboarding teacher's eye (her name was Ms. Hag and boy did she live up to her name, but I secretly loved her).

-I once wrote a professional letter that simply said, "Boo-ya."

Baby:

-He laughs only once per week, on average.

-He always gets hiccups after he laughs, which is probably why he only laughs once a week.

-He fake sleeps at bedtime (it is really cute and funny).

-He will only nap, well, in a swing.

-His favorite toy is this plush female (it's name on the tag is Lily) frog.

-When hysterical he will not calm down for Mommy or Daddy, but will for Usher without fail.

-He loves Hip Hop music even though he is not a teenager, nor does he live in Urban America.

-When he is pooping he pushes so loud it attracts crowds and/or snickering glances in public.

-His transitional item is a cloth diaper spit rag.

-He LOVES soy milk.

Please feel free to list your quirks...

A Week of Firsts

Baby has had many firsts this week:

His first 4th of July which is my favorite holiday--by far, hands down, no questions asked.

And with the 4th of July came his first parade! Which he LOVED. He cried at the first siren but after that he squealed with delight at the sirens and the horses. Despite the parade being through his morning nap, he was in an excellent mood.  Look how intent his face is while he is watching the parade.

Baby had his first fit of diarrhea this week.  It was incredibly messy.  In my wildest baby nightmares (pre-baby) I never imagined there would be poop all over my house.   Sometimes reality hits when you least expect it to.  The doctor recommended Pedia.lite. Why?  Babies hate Pedia.lite--no matter what the flavor.  Baby is a good eater and even likes and gobbles down and cries for more medicine including gas drops, Baby Tylen.ol, and Prev.acid for his acid reflux

He had his first trip to L's family land in Idaho too. He had a hard time sleeping with so many people around but he enjoyed his first bonfire, his first camping trip, and his first road trip. Did he cry? Yes he did. BUT, he has started playing with his car seat toys and that really helped occupy him when he wasn't sleeping.

Yesterday was his first day in daycare, babysitting. She is a friend of a co-worker who babysits their child as well. We met her a few weeks ago and Baby was taken with her two year-old. And this morning when I dropped him off I watched him follow the two year-old with his eyes for several minutes.  My friend dropped his son off later in the day then came to work and reported that his and the babysitter's sons were dancing around Baby chanting his name.  Isn't that cute?  

I surprised myself and haven't totally obsessed about babysitting-gone-wrong-nightmare scenarios either day.  Both days when I picked him up he was happily sleeping in the swing. Plus, her little boy apparently vigilantly makes sure that the swing is rocking and the toys are moving for him at all times.  She said he took four--that's right--four naps.  I think her house is magic because my friend's son refuses to talk and eat at home but will both talk and eat at the babysitter's.  Baby refuses to nap at home and he naps at her house.  To make things even better, he transitioned home very easily and slept well through the night.  Incredible. 

Commuting

Today was my first day to work as a nurse. All we did is orientation, which I think I slept through about 2 of the 8 hrs worth of lecture. Pretty boring. I have been wanting to take the train to work since it is paid for by the university. I have not been able to though as a tech because I had to be to work before the train get get me to work so I had to drive. I have to say that it is really awesome. I am actually writing  this blog on the train. They have free wi-fi which is so cool. What will be really great is I will be able to finish all of my didactic work form the internship on the train. Not to mention saving around $10 in fuel a day. So far mass transit rocks. 

He's Just So Freakin' Cute

Like A Baby In Headlights  

"S'up, Yo?"

"My Mommy and Daddy Can't Help Themselves."

"I really do smile, sometimes."

I've Learned a Few More Things...

I would have never guessed that getting a baby to sleep would become my most valuable skill:

I thought tying my shoes was pretty important at the time, but stilettos (at least the ones I want to wear) don't have shoe laces.

Reading was hard in the beginning, but definitely worth it in the end.

I thought logarithms were hard...listening to complaining parents while wondering what Baby is doing is harder.

I thought 17 credits would do me in, but trying to get a three month-old baby to smile on demand during the 15 minutes worth of patience the Pennie.s photographer has left during the only weekend in the next two months that would accommodate three month-old pictures with a grandma who traveled a long distance with soaring gas prices really just about did me in.

Plus...

You know how when you don't think things could get any worse and then they always do in some horrific way you could have never ever predicted?  That happened today.  Don't worry, no one died.  I just wanted to.  It was one of those "most embarrassing moments" that is too embarrassing to tell anyone about and I am dying sitting here thinking about the people who witnessed my train wreck telling others about it.  Anyway, the disaster was so problematic I, to save any dignity I had left, canceled my afternoon appointments and took a long and savory nap with Baby.  

The moral of the story is:  When things get bad, there is Baby's breath on my chest to remind me that everything is as it should be.

Olympics, Here I Come!

I figure Baby can shoot for the 2024 Summer Olympics (he'll be 16).

My Life So Far

Here I am in my favorite nap place, my swing. I'm not sure if my mommy has mentioned this yet, but I used to not nap. I would cry and fuss all day and I would refuse to sleep. My mommy helped me learn to nap by putting me in here and setting it on the highest level...I like lots of movement and so eventually I would fall asleep. Now I mostly nap in my crib but every once in awhile my mommy gives me a treat and lets me nap here. I am holding one of my toys which surprised Mommy because I usually don't play with my toys very much. I like to play with Daddy and Mommy instead of toys.

Here is an update and me:

-I weight nearly 13 pounds (75th percentile)
-I am 24 inches long (90th percentile)

Here are things I like:
-Mommy
-Daddy
-Lily Mae (my best friend, plush toy)
-Eating
-Playing with Mommy and Daddy
-Bath time
-Music, especially Hip Hop (My new favorite is Usher)
-Being Outside
-My Mommy's Singing
-Church
-Auntie Shelby
-Being Naked
-Funny Noises
-Helping Mommy Put Her Makeup On and Cook
-Going Jogging with Mommy
-Sleeping with Mommy and/or Daddy

Here are things I don't like:
-Burping
-Sleeping, especially napping
-Playing with toys/myself
-Too many people in one place
-Being held by too many people
-Being ignored when I fuss for no reason
-Being held in the cradle position
-My Daddy's Singing
-Bedtime
-Television, Unless Usher Is On It
-My Car Seat
-My Acid Reflux
-Mommy going to work

Here are things I am good at:
-Kicking
-Smiling
-Talking
-Eating all my food
-Having a lot of energy
-Sleeping at night (I now sleep through the night)
-Letting Mommy and Daddy know what I want

Here are things I need to work on:
-Laughing
-Asking for things nicely
-Napping
-Keeping all my food down
-Being patient
-Sleeping during the day
-Using my Sooth.ie when I don't get what
I want

I keep on growing and figuring things out. My mommy and daddy are relieved that I am a happier baby now.

My mommy wants me to mention that she sewed my graduation outfit (the picture posted for Daddy's graduation) all by herself. Isn't she amazing? I also think she is beautiful and a genius.

Mommy and Baby Playing

 Those of you who know baby will not believe your eyes and ears when you view this adorable video of Baby smiling and almost laughing.  Baby has become happy!  He was diagnosed with acid reflux and given a prescription which has improved his mood significantly.  

Graduating Rocks!

I have to admit that I never thought it was going to end. Working on the farm I never thought I was going to go to college. It was the farthest thing from my mind. I was just going to own my own farming business.
After I got home of the mish things were not working out the way I had hoped. I began to rethink my current situation, which was spending dollars to earn pennies. Borrowing a hundred thousand to repay in one year with the proceeds coming from the farm product was not my cup of tea.
I meet this girl who was really cool, educated, and really hot ("current wife" Myndi). She was not so down with the farm either. She did not care for the fact that I was working hours which I had no control over and never really made any money. I began to think I had better do something before all the ground is sold and I am going to be flipping burgers at MC D's when I am 40. So with the encouragement of my wife I set out on this long journey.
I started my schooling career as Myndi was starting her masters. This was no easy task. I had as many as four jobs at one time while going to school. Myndi had a part time job while she went through her masters. Soon she was done with her degree and had I good job and I soon cut back to two jobs and then one. Little did she know that she would have to return to school under my degree editing all of my papers.
After four long years, many sleepless nights working at the hospital and then attending school the next day and all of the bribery that I had to do to get Myndi to correct my papers I graduated with honors and received my BSN.
I would just like to say with out the help and encouragement of my awesome wife Myndi I would still be spending dollars to make pennies on the farm and would have a secure future in the burger flipping industry.
I am sure that when I am done with my CRNA she will demand a pair of manolo blahnik for repayment.

Back in The Saddle

Today was my first day back to work.  Surprisingly, it wasn't has difficult as some people said it would be.  But on the other hand it was harder than I ever thought it would be.  Being at work reminded me how much I like my job.  As much as I complain (no surprise to my regular readers) I really do love it.  I have wanted to be a therapist for as long as I can remember.  The aspiration specifically came to me after I read "There's a boy in The Girls Bathroom" by Louis Sacher when I was in the fifth grade.  

But being at work also made me think/realize I would much rather be raising my own child than attempting to raise 50-75 of other peoples' children, depending on my caseload on a given day.  Hopefully I will be able to go part time by the end of the summer; I have been scheming up ideas to make this possible.  Stay tuned for my decision and the outcome of my scheming.

It is once more again apparent to me how much having a child changes things.  I was once a very ambitious young professional.  Now I am a mother.

***

And in other news...

Baby pooped all over Grandma Jeri last night.  After an major Memorial Day BBQ fest she offered to put Baby to bed while L and I and all of his brothers and sisters and some friends went to a movie.  When we got home she informed us that he pooped in his bath requiring her to change the water.  Then he pooped again when she was toweling him off!  It was everywhere! Baby got three baths last night...glad it wasn't me this time.

***

Speaking of BBQ fests...We bought a charcoal grill and grilled a rack of pork spareribs.  We used wood to smoke them and you wouldn't believe how much you could taste it.  Let's just say, L and I are just a shade under BBQ masters.  I even made my own BBQ sauce which completely stole the show.  We also made beef short ribs--it was the first time I have eaten and enjoyed short ribs.  My marinade was to-die-for to say the least.  To round things out we threw on some crab legs, had a green salad, and a fruit salad. Since it is L's b-day today I made the most amazing cake.  It had a black-berry cream filling, need I say more?  Too bad we didn't think to take pictures of the grandeur.  Anybody hungry now?

Lightly Used Jogging Stroller For Sale

-One year old

-Folds up compactly, I think

-Comes from a lizard-free home

-Has never ever ever been exposed to any sort of amphetamine

-Has certainly never been stolen

-Excellent condition except some minor scratches on the frame where someone did not scratch off the serial number

We may pay you to take this off of our hands.  Our clean and innocent hands. 

Drop It Like It's Hot

Snoop was on to something...

Looking in the mirror post-partum has become increasingly depressing. I actually lost 20 of 27 pounds in six weeks; unfortunately those last seven pounds are proving extremely difficult to shed.  Since I like Baby and I like to jog L and I began reviewing local ad listings for a used jogging stroller.  After only a few days we found the perfect nearly new stroller listed in Logan for a fabulous price.  Yeah it was a long drive but totally worth it if it can help me lose those pesky love handles...

It was a beautiful evening when arrived at the small Northern Utah apartment complex.  We gingerly knocked on the door in anticipation.  We love making a deal in our family; we were excited about the pending haggling in which we were about to engage. The door opened and there stood a woman holding a baby.  Normal enough...

Until we looked beyond the woman.  L half-way entered the apartment and I rear-ended him when he abruptly stopped before he was fully inside.  I push against him to alert him that "Hey, I'm still out her" and I see his right hand gesture ever so slightly for me to stop and not enter the apartment.  Suspicious I take a look around and the interior of the apartment.  I have never seen so much junk in one place.  And I have never seen so much filth.  At a closer look the woman appeared as if she hadn't showered in a few days/weeks and the baby she was holding was sporting a saggy-bottomed diaper and had snot dribbling out of his nose all of the way to his mouth.   

Looking to the right I saw that the kitchen counter was completely covered in dirty dishes, two feet high  Being quite observant, I actually noticed a bottle of pink dish detergents, completely full.  And a sweet looking pink Iris being kept alive by a dainty beer bottle vase.  Six inches away from my feet stood a crock pot which appeared as if someone had made pulled pork...six years ago.  Ew?  Except there was no insert in the crock pot!  

Then I saw the bikes.  Maybe six within my impaired view from the front porch.  Then I saw the clothes and pop cans and the papers and the food and the grocery sacks and the blankets and the toys and the used diapers and everything else a household typically contains on the floor. There was no furniture in view.  Everything these people owned was on the floor (except their dishes of course. Oh, and the dish detergent and pink Iris).   

During our brief stay the background music was Hendrix and then The Who.  Against the back wall was an aquarium that housed a flourescent light.  It wasn't until the drive home when L and I realized the aquarium was not likely the home of any sort of amphibian but of some sort of cannabis.  

The gentleman of the home began showing us what did appear to be a very lightly used jogging stroller.  But he couldn't figure out how to fold it down when L asked. Then I asked how long they have had it, found out about a year.  Why are they selling it then, and the woman answered that she has a nephew.  I am still not sure what that meant.  I asked where they got it and the woman stated it came from a local retailer.  

By this time there was a funny feeling in the air and I got anxious to ge the H out of there.  L was feeling the same and we began wrapping up with the sellers without even engaging in haggling.  Yes, we purchased the stroller.

Driving home we discussed the strange circumstances around purchasing the stroller.  And it dawned on us that we likely just bought a hot stroller.  When they said it came from a local retailer they weren't lying, they meant they got it out front of the store where it was parked by the unsuspecting legitimate owner.  Plus, weren't these people meth-heads?  So, they are stealing bikes and strollers and possibly other things like nasty crock pots and selling them to naive middle class citizens like ourselves...

The Last Few Weeks

After a brief hiatus...

While I was posting my last entry L was fetching my sister and her two boys from the airport; they came into town to visit with Baby and I. And things have been very busy ever since. That week she helped me prepare for Baby's blessing and helped teach me some valuable parenting tips. Unfortunately Baby continues to have a crying problem (some may say it is my problem), despite my best efforts at implementing her, and others', advice.

She did help me determine that there is something wrong with Baby...this type of crying is not normal--it literally will last for hours and it is extremely vehement. His face turns bright red and he thrashes his arms and legs. Nothing helps and nothing works to stop the crying. It is frustrating to not have experience behind me as a parent. I had a feeling there might be something wrong but since there was nothing obvious, besides the crying, I kept blaming my inexperience. I have never been around babies, I avoided them growing up. I didn't have that typical female draw toward them (there was this church song for young women when I was growing up that said, 'Whenever I see a baby cry, my heart reaches out...' Yeah, my heart and mind ran away...fast). In fact, the only babies I have liked, in my life, include my own baby and my sister's children.

So I made an appointment with the pediatrician. He pretty much did nothing except give me a handout which informed me of the following: babies get cold, babies get hungry, babies get bored, babies get tired, and babies get over-stimulated. The handout also included a list of books I can read to help me learn how to calm my baby. He didn't stick around long enough for me to tell him I have already read three of the listed books. You can imagine my frustration. Taking things into my own hands, I changed his formula (would any of this be happening if I breast fed?) and my sister's friend showed me a stomach massage that is the only thing, thus far, that will even take the edge off. I should note at this point that he is crying at the top of his lungs in his room next door to my computer and has been for the last two hours. Should I mention to my pediatrician I swaddled him twice, fed him, changed him, played with him, distracted him, rocked him to a semi-sleep, and turned out the lights?

How could I forget? There is one more thing that takes the edge off, the baby front carrier my book club gave me as a baby gift. The kid loves it. I have a love-hate relationship with it. I love it because baby is happy in it. I hate it because wearing it is like a continuation of pregnancy minus the convenience of the placenta feeding him and the amniotic fluid caring for his bathroom needs.

My sister and I have hypothesized, and everyday the evidence adds up more, that Baby has acid-reflux. Moreover, this is probably why he likes the front carrier, other than the obvious reason is that he is reminded of his perfect prior home in utero, it keeps him completely upright--a task not otherwise possible at this stage of his development.

A college friend once said, "Don't get mad, go shopping." And after that unhelpful doctor visit I took Baby to the Gateway, in the front carrier mind you, and enjoyed a wonderful day shopping. He loved being in the carrier and I loved being in the GAP.

***

Later that week my sister and I painted one of my basement walls red. It turned out fabulous.

And then more family came into town making my house full. We all chipped in on household chores and cooking Saturday night in preparation for the blessing. Funny thing is, we couldn't hold it at church the following day because we accidentally planned it on the same day as Stake Conference. Oops, I swear I wasn't trying to get out of Stake Conference this time. It turned out just as L wanted, however, at home. All the family and many friends came to support us and Baby. I think it was the first time our entire family was in one place at once--no one away on missions or away on sports trips or too busy with school/work.

I dressed Baby in this adorable white outfit I paid way too much for for 15 minutes of use. Baby will hate it and hate me, when he is old enough to care, for making him wear it...but that's what Mommies get to do. We served Hawaiian haystacks (later my Hawaiian uncle informed me there is nothing "Hawaiian" about the meal), an assortment of salads, and Strawberry Shortcake. It was a big hit, inauthentic as it was.

There is something special about your baby being blessed by your husband and family members. Of course I cried. And Baby did too if you were wondering. Remember? He ALWAYS cries.

***

Then it was off to Oregon. We stayed with my parents and Baby got to sleep in the cradle I slept in as a baby. He actually really like it and slept well.

My sister's baby came down with pink eye before they left Utah and thank goodness no one got it (except L's mom) but we all came down with a horrible cold the second the plane touched down.

So, here is one more thing that takes the edge off Baby's crying: airplanes/flying. I can't explain what doesn't make sense, okay...

We got to go to my favorite place on earth, so far. The Oregon Coast. So beautiful. The sun was shining and it was just a little bit windy. I wrapped Baby in this beautiful baby coat my sister loaned to us which looks like a polar bear. I couldn't stop snapping pictures of him. We just had to stop in at Tillamook Cheese Factory to watch the production and sample cheese and ice cream. If you have never eaten Tillamook Cheese you need to stop reading and run to the nearest grocery store right now. We purchased Baby a cow stuffed animal, the same one we bought his cousin three years ago.

Saturday was a very special day for my family. We were able to go to the Portland Temple to see my sister's new baby sealed to their family. I feel honored to have been in attendance. Especially since there was some drama around being admitted; I'd lost my temple recommend!

Sunday was another very special day. We were able to attend my sister's new baby's blessing. The baby's birth mother was in attendance and it was an honor to meet her.

Well, He Got Me

So far, Baby has done the following all over L:

-Pooped Twice
-Peed Many Times
-Spit
-Spit Up

I have evaded all (except the very few times he has missed his spit rag and spit up on me). Is it wrong to have deluded myself into thinking he likes me better as a result? Here's why I have justified thinking he likes me better:

-I bore him

This is a stand alone reason why a child should like their mother more than their father. But, you know me, I have more:

-I endured morning sickness
-I endured the side effects of the medication prescribed to treat morning sickness
-I took no vacation/sick leave in just about a year to save up for maternity leave...this is such a HUGE sacrifice in my line of work
-I gained 27 lbs (another stand alone reason)
-I had a huge needle stuck in my back
-I was paralyzed for nearly 24 hours
-I had food aversion for two weeks after delivery
-I get up in the middle of the night to comfort him, every time he cries
-I feed him six times a day, which takes over an hour each time
-I comfort him when he is screaming at the top of his lungs and I have a splitting headache
-I endured leakiness from every part of my body for weeks (okay, maybe not every part)
-I no longer fit in more than half of my wardrobe
-I worry every second of every minute of every hour of every day
-I have learned to administer a suppository
-I have referred to the pacifier/Sooth.ie as "binkie" more than once (see previous blog post)
-Etc.
-Etc.
-Etc.

But today, he got me. He pooped projectile feces onto me, everywhere. I knew vomit could be projectile but I had no idea stool could be...the life lessons just keep on coming don't they? The poop incident disproves my delusion.

It's A Miracle!

I don't find it necessary to post every day, but bear with me because I have a miracle to report:

Yesterday Baby starting sucking a regular pacifier, not such a big deal? Well when you have a fussy baby it is a dream come true. For the first month of his life he would only suck on the hospital issue Sooth.ie. Unfortunately it is shaped exactly like his bottle nipples (and we have to use those bottles to reduce his gas) and so when we would place the Sooth.ie in his mouth he would get offended that it wasn't food--even after he gorged himself to the point of spitting up and scream at us--this is what he does when he is angry. If we tried to pacify him during a temper tantrum the Sooth.ie would just make it worse. Further, the Sooth.ie shape does not stay in a baby's (who is just learning to suck) mouth very well, so it never was effective (on the rare occasion it was working) for very long. We would swaddle the Sooth.ie to Baby's face to help it stay in place.

Yesterday the Sooth.ie was lost, a travesty for most parents with infants, but really not a big loss for us. So during a diaper changing L tried the regular type of pacifier for the millionth time and lo and behold, it worked for hours...hours! All evening and all night and now all morning. Baby, at one month old slept 8 hours last night. I would like to thank the good old fashion pacifier (and my sister's infant sleeping advice).

Here's more photos I didn't have time to blog yesterday

Baby's first day of church was today. He was sooooo good, a little too good.

Damn loves to hang out in the Baby's things...the other picture of Damnit would not upload--it was her and Baby napping together.

Why is Daddy's idea of helping napping?

My beautiful Aunties love me. Uncle Jordan is in the background looking like another Auntie!

He looks like one of those 1980's toys, Glowbugs

Baby napping is a good time to get things done...oh wait, no it's not!

Yo Shorty, It's Your Birthday

Baby is one month old (at 10:25 pm) today. I thought I would photo chronicle his life up to this point. This picture is when Baby arrived home from the hospital. This picture does not show Mommy's facial expression which says, "What the h do we do now?" Good thing Grandma Debi came to teach Mommy what the h to do...

"Hi-yah!"

I hate getting out of my bath...

But I love being in my bath!

Anne Geddes baby? Not quite!

Damn's revenge

Baby taking one right in the face. This is the first time that damn helped give a bath. Now she helps every night.

Civil Rights Don't Apply to Everyone?

Not sure how many people outside of Utah and Texas are aware of the government searches of the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saint compound over the last week in Texas, but I would like to comment on this issue.

First, I need to make it clear to my readers that the FLDS religion is not affiliated with my LDS faith (aka Mormonism). Polygamy is not condoned by my fellow church members and my church leaders, and has not been practiced by Mormons in good standing with the church in more than a hundred years.

Second, as a human being, as a member of society, and as a dedicated youth therapist it is my moral, personal, and legal responsibility to report child abuse to authorities. Taking such civic and ethical responsibilities very seriously I find all child abuse abhorrent and I have difficulty understanding, and having empathy for, anyone that abuses an innocent child.

Third, I have always had a difficult time with the notion of Polygamy--not a fan. I have not been able to temper what I know to be true in my religion and the fact that my religion does have a Polygamy history. I struggle to understand why Utah's AG has looked the other way when it comes to enforcing Utah law and prosecuting the illegalities of the many Utah Polygamists. That is, until now...

With this said, I find the Texas raids deeply disturbing. When the news first broke I didn't understand my initial uncomfortable feelings--why did it bother me that Texas was finally doing what I have often criticized Utah for not doing? It took several days for me to analyze my feelings and here goes: it comes down to basic civil rights. Do we not have the right to practice religion in this country, as long as it does not impede on another's rights? I finally understand why Utah's AG has not taken this on--they will find themselves in a messy Civil Rights battle. Despite my own discomfort with Polygamy, don't Polygamists have a right to worship just like I do? My faith has been grossly unpopular in the past and I can't help but think about the persecution Mormons unjustly endured for many years. Might I point out it was legal to kill a Mormon in the state of Missouri until just a few years ago? If the FDLS faith is going to be prosecuted for their worship, how long will it be until all of us are prosecuted/persecuted for our worship? America is based on fundamental human rights and I want to keep mine. I want to keep mine even when I disagree with someone else's interpretation of their rights, just as long as my rights/safety and my children's rights/safety are not infringed upon as a result.

Further, was it really necessary to take more than 450 (I cannot even wrap my head around this number) children into state's custody? As stated above I advocate investigating child abuse allegations and prosecuting offenders to the full extent of the law. And I am glad Texas took the abuse allegation seriously and initiated an investigation. But taking nearly 500 children out of their homes is complete over-kill and the resulting trauma of being removed from their parents inflicted on those children makes me very glad I am not a children's therapist in Texas that will have to clean up the emotional mess the Texas government has created. I can think of many ways this particular FLDS group could have been investigated without removing all of the children.

One of the nightly news headlines last night was, "Fundamentalist Women Taking Matters Into Their Own Hands and Fight To Get Their Children Back." Good for them, go FLDS women!

Mission Impossible

My life has one simple two-parter goal: 1) Do everything in my power to avoid Baby crying 2) Get Baby to stop crying as quickly as possible.

Currently I am failing miserably at both parts of this mission.

I find I am frustrated that even I cannot soothe Baby in a reasonable amount of time. We are going to be hated everywhere we go--don't worry, we will not be one of those couples who take their baby to the movies. Unfortunately, we are already one of those couples who has taken their infant to restaurants (even non-family friendly ones...hey, I deserve a decent meal whether or not I have a baby...right?!), the mall, and the library (horror of all horrors). And soon we will be one of those couples with a baby on an airplane and one of those couples whose baby cries throughout church services--oh wait, this was one of my motivations to have a baby, a valid excuse to sit in the foyer and not listen. Sweet. I guess even a crying baby has its perks.

Baby loves JT

Last night Baby communicated to us his favorite musician--Justin Timberlake. I think I'm a little embarrassed for him (as I am a closeted fan, at least until now).

Baby has a gas problem which causes him a great deal of discomfort at times and the other day L had i.tunes on random while we prepared for Baby's first photo shoot. Baby was gassy and fussy and suddenly JT's 'Sexy Back' begins to play and Baby stops crying and appears to be listening. I think it is a fluke and I get a kick out of making him dance to the song (his best move so far, the sprinkler). Then last night Baby was throwing a huge screaming gas temper tantrum and L turned on JT again to see if it would work to calm Baby down--it worked! Baby stopped crying immediately and began listening. And then just now as I sat down to do some business on the computer Baby began fussing and I immediately pulled up the media player and began playing JT, and again Baby stopped crying to listen. Now he is laying contentedly on my lap taking in the tunes. Looks like Baby's third concert (the second was Jim Brickman) will be JT if he ever comes to Utah.

One Week Down, 17 Years and 51 Weeks To Go

I have been a mother for one week now. This is what I have learned about motherhood so far:

• It is harder than it looks
• It is normal to cry, a lot
• It is exciting when Baby does simple things like poop
• It is the main subject between husband and wife
• It is exhausting
• It is a wonder women have been doing this for thousands of years all over the world, successfully
• It is awesome
  

The First Day of Spring

Every year I look forward to it, every year I relish it, and every year it's the best day of my year. And now it's gotten even better.

My precious baby was born March 19, 2008, the first day of spring. Just like spring brings a light to my life, baby brings more happiness than I could have ever imagined...and his birthday will continue to be the best day of my years to come.

Wednesday morning I nervously got ready for my early doctor appointment. We had discussed induction in our prior visit but I wasn't sure if my doctor would give me the go-ahead. Well, she did. When I was faced with the decision to head straight over to the hospital to begin the process I became suddenly ambivalent. Good thing L and I had discussed it on the way to the appointment:

M: If she gives us the option we say 'yes', right?
L: I guess so.

This too-brief conversation did not prepare me for the ensuing panic attack. We had to drive about ten miles home to get my stuff (of course it was packed and ready) and I cried uncontrollably all the way home. As I looked at my baby-free home of six years I realized, emotionally, for the first time that my life was to change more than I could possibly comprehend. I wasn't sure those would be welcome changes. I looked sadly at my kitty and thought how angry she would be to have to share her parents. I looked around at my very messy/cluttered kitchen and thought about all the new things that would adorn our counters from now on (e.g. bottles, formula, nipples, bottle liners, baby Ty.len.ol, diaper rash cream, etc.). I looked one last glance at my stain-free white carpet (I'm sorry I keep bringing it up, but I love my carpet being stain-free). But as L's blessing he gave me before we left ended I took one last glance around and realized how empty our home really has been...

We got to the hospital at about 11:00 am and with virtually nerves gone, started the induction process. Technically I began the medication drip around noon. Four hours later the progress had been slow but average. My doctor told my nurse she would be over to break my water. I got so worried that it would hurt I got my epidural at that point. The anesthesiologist had one of those really old school bed-side manners where he barely looked or spoke to me . I cracked a few jokes he did not find funny while he administered the lifeline of labor and delivery. Though cold and aloof he is my hero--I always imagined labor and delivery pain-free just to cope...and he delivered my fantasy! Take note folks, these fantasies into reality are rare in life but totally awesome when they come.

After the water breaking and epidural things picked up dramatically and four hours later I was ready to push. Unfortunately, my doctor was delivering another more complicated case at the other hospital and I had to wait for two hours! This was the worst part of it. Waiting always sucks, but since the fetal monitors were having difficulty picking up baby's heart beat I had to lay in one position that whole time. The upper, non-numb, portion of my body's muscles began to seize up and it was pretty miserable (hey, but whose complaining?).

***

This is a great part of the story to give my labor and delivery nurse props. She was so amazing and gifted I get tearful just thinking about it. Imagine Nurse Barbie, that is what she looked like. My first reaction when she introduced herself to me was, "Great, someone who looks astonishing to make the most humble point in my life so far feel even worse." But she was exactly the opposite--she made everything better, everything. She was more attentive, caring, concerned, compassionate, informative, interested, positive, laid back, patient, and truly kind than any medical professional I have ever worked with. She gave me one-on-one attention and eased my nerves and discomfort in ways I would have never known to ask for. She even stayed after her shift, when she had to travel nearly 20 miles each way to get her son after her shift ended at 11:00 pm, to transport me herself to recovery. This was not her job but she volunteered to do it. She told me, "I like to see my patients through the whole process...I really hate leaving them." While I was pushing she stroked my legs and arms--it reminded me of how Grandpa Wilcox's home health care nurse stroked his head in his last hours of life--it really moved me to have someone show me such compassion. So, thanks RA for making my labor and delivery experience truly wonderful.

***

My doctor finally arrived at about 10:00 pm and I began to push. I only pushed for about 20-25 minutes because at 10:25 pm my baby was born. I have to tell you all a secret: I wasn't pushing will all my might at one point early on and she said, "Wow, that was a good push" and so I didn't even push that hard after that. Why expend 100% effort when 75% gets the job done? Pushing and delivering was so easy it was ridiculous--the easiest part of the experience by far. Once his head was out I could breath so much easier that I had for several months. The rest of him slid out within a flash. By the way, L was helping with his whole process (glad I didn't have to see what he saw)--our doctor is really cool. She laid him on my tummy and he stared up into space until the realization came to him that he could breath--then came the screams which only lasted a couple of minutes. L cut the cord right on my belly! Then transition nurse took him and L to the heat lamp table and did what they do, the APGAR test, weight, height, Vit. K shot, Vit A in eyes, etc. while I finished the dirty task of delivering the placenta (wow, that thing is gross). I had to get sutured as well.

L went with baby, after I held him for a few minutes, to get his bath while I was taken to recover in a new unit. I was so wound up after this experience I didn't sleep at all the rest of the night, making the next day pretty long and arduous. Baby slept in the nursery while I laid awake pondering everything that had just happened. There really are no words to describe those personal feelings so I will not even attempt.

Since my self-administered epidural (they give you a button to push, and I got a little happy about it apparently) took more than 10 hours to wear off L and the nurses had to carry me to and from the bathroom and wait on me hand and foot. I am a little ashamed to admit I loved being waited on like this. I didn't take advantage, however, and sent L home at 5:00 am because he began to be quite moody. At this point in the story I would like to give myself props. I wasn't rude to L once, not once throughout this process. The one time I got angry at him was when he grabbed my IV wrist for the 18 hundredth time and I punched him. I was in such a good mood, in fact, I was cracking jokes with my doctor while taking pushing breaks.

Baby's stats: 7 lbs 9 oz
20 inches long
Born: 03/19/08 at 10:25 pm, in Ogden Utah, the first day of spring

BABY!

This is the face he kept making right after he was born.

Doesn't he look like he's emerging from a cloud?

Baby and Mommy

Baby and Daddy

Sorry, No News Yet

There's nothing really to report other than L and I are not-so-patiently waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

Waiting for baby to come has my mind so occupied I can't think of anything else to blog about, and so I am sorry to our readers if you are looking for my thoughts on any other subject. I am afraid my mind may be similarly occupied for the several weeks after baby arrives as well. I'd really like to have baby either tonight, tomorrow anytime, or Wednesday morning (or at least I arrive at suitable enough labor that I can go to the hospital). I have a series of horrid clients to see Wednesday afternoon and if I could avoid them, that would be great! Not a good reason to have a baby you may be thinking...well you don't know these clients. You know what would really suck? If I went into labor right after the series of horrid clients. Yeah that would really, really suck.

I had a mother, today, have the gall to say to me, "Uh, your maternity leave is coming at a really inconvenient time..." It was one of those rare moments I was so overcome with shock and had no good comeback. And you know how it is, you think of all the good comebacks later. Like, "Uh, your phone call is coming at a really inconvenient time." or "Your complaining is coming at a really inconvenient time." or "Your existence is really inconvenient."

If my wish comes true I may not be blogging for awhile. I will remind L to post pictures of baby--don't worry, nothing gruesome or inappropriate.

Thanks

Last week several friends and co-workers got together and celebrated baby and me. I feel touched so many people are supportive of us, and I am very grateful for everyone's generosity.

At work they threw me a Mexican Fiesta and one fabulous lady even made mock-margaritas that were super tasty. One co-worker stayed up late in the night making Spanish Rice for the party (and learned that apparently it is really a pilaf). At book club they presented me, the only still child-less among us, with baby necessities I would have never known I would need.

On Saturday my very special and long-time friend Val threw me a baby shower that was so fun she couldn't get some of us to leave!

Several of my clients have also expressed their excitement and support of me.

I want to give a shout-out to everyone who has listened to me over the months 1) complain 2) have anxiety attacks 3) ask absurd questions 4) say silly things about pending motherhood I will soon regret 5) talk about baby incessantly 6) muse over my changing body and life 7) etc. So thanks to everyone who has been endlessly supportive and excited for me.

Thanks to L who listens to the above list times 100,000,000 without telling me to shut-up! If he has to hear one more time, "I wish you could be pregnant for one day...just one day..." And who looks at me wearing those awful sweats and t-shirts which only cover about three quarters of my belly--even when I go to the store. And who gets only about an eighth of the bed since I take up the rest. And who puts up with my mood fluctuations. And who puts together endless baby gadgets on top of going to work, going to school, and going to his practicum. And who tries to accommodate me in everything.

A Tribute to Frank McCourt

Browsing through the books on CD at the library one day a long time ago I came across a familiar title, Angela's Ashes. I hadn't seen the movie but figured since it was made into a movie it must be pretty good. As I began listening during my daily commute I realized this book isn't just 'pretty good' it is the best book I have ever read (or listened to). Angela's Ashes is Frank McCourt's recount of his life growing up in Ireland--"A miserable childhood" which he points out in his opening statement.

Frank McCourt's Pulitzer Prize winning story is read in his own voice, which makes listening to it a beautiful cultural experience. He even sings! If you decide to read this book based on this blog entry, please listen to it instead. Again, the story is so much better when hearing his voice and inflection.

Frank McCourt has written two additional memoirs: 'Tis and Teacher Man. Both are wonderful. There is a part in 'Tis where I laughed so hard tears came. If anyone has ever tried teaching teenagers they will be able to relate wholeheartedly to Teacher Man--I read it when I was attempting to teach life skills to criminal teens at an alternative high school. He has also written a children's book, about Christmas, Angela and The Baby Jesus.

Frank McCourt's reflection of his life has made such a difference in my life. Though I cannot relate to the degree of suffering he has experienced, I can very much relate to his emotional experience and reaction to the irony, humor, and humanity of of the world. I am so grateful I picked up his book that day...

You can learn more about Frank McCourt a this website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_McCourt

Bouncing Baby

Well folks here is the latest update of the kid inside. It is amazing that the technology is advanced enough to make a 3-D picture inside the womb. I think he is going to have a lot in common with his cousin buddy. If you can't tell what that is let me describe it to you. FAT!
Well, since we our all tired and our eye's hurt from reading M's post on how to get babies to sleep I will cut this short.

Of Contractions and No Sleep

I'm having contractions! I am so excited about it since my doctor said that contractions in the weeks before delivery is a really good sign that your labor will go quicker and easier. The only problem is contractions really suck. And they don't even hurt that bad right now. Yikes...

*****

Last night I woke up several times, which is usual nowadays, from a number of ailments. The first awakening occurred when the entire right side of my body fell asleep. The second occurred after a nightmare--I knew I had a baby but I couldn't find it anywhere. The third when I had to pea for the first time. The fourth, fifth and sixth because L was snoring. The seventh when I had to pea for the second time; but this time I thought I would just suck it up and wait until wake-up time. You may think I am crazy for avoiding 9th month pregnancy urination but I have learned that baby wakes up when I get up in the middle of the night to relieve myself, which in turn keeps me up for various lengths of time. Well, I couldn't suck it up for long and sure enough baby woke up. Baby was awake for TWO HOURS. Yep, between 3:30 am to 5:30 am. I'm not sure what he thinks he is doing but it sure seems like he's having a good time; at least one of us is. As I laid there thinking I realized I have probably slept my last really good night of sleep. I am not sure when it was, I didn't know good sleep was coming to an end and so I am afraid I did not appreciate that one last night...

Let Me Introduce You to Damnit All To Hell!

Some of you may not know my kitty's full name: Damnit All To Hell Camu-Liggett-Sajovic-Hemphill. She has been my baby since October 2001, and each of her last names honors one of her owners, past and present. As fore mentioned, this is her full given name but she has a lot of names. During the 2004 summer Olympics she was watching the women's diving competition and felt badly that her name didn't reflect her Asian heritage. So we picked out, Wu Yu (Wu was one of the diving competitors, you see). Wu Yu is a very convenient name when she has been bad because it translates easily to "Woooooo, you!!!!!" while I chase her around the house trying to catch her to either go into time out or to get sprayed with water. When I first got her she was so little and naughty that we often referred to her as "Bad Baby." We would sing it to the tune of "Bad Boys." Even though she has severe behavior problems, a very poor attitude, and has being rude down to an art she is also extraordinarily loving. At these times we refer to her as "Precious." I always wanted a cat with blue eyes and so sometimes I can't help but call her "Baby Blue." Anyway, our blog didn't feel complete without mentioning this member of our family.

Baby Bump?

I'm not sure why people refer to the expanding pregnant uterus as a baby bump. It never feels like a bump; bump implies something cute. In actuality my growing belly started out feeling like I was seriously bloated (oh wait, I was). I suggest we rename baby bump in the first trimester to baby bloat instead. After the bloating stage my stomach began to feel more like a mountain than a bump. I propose we rename the baby bump in the second trimester to baby bachelor (that's a reference to an Oregon mountain for our non-Oregonian readers). I am now in the after-mountain stage of the ever-growing mid-section, the stage where I feel as if my abdominal muscles are going to explode at any time. A good rename for the baby bump during the third trimester is baby burst. Sadly, I do not think the baby is going to burst out anytime soon.

Nothing about being pregnant feels cute even though people tell me all of the time how cute I am or look. There is something about babies that makes people go all cutsie. My first example is the "onsie." The reason they aren't called "body suits," which they actually are, is because "body suit" is not a cute word. So someone came up with "onsie" instead. Here's another example, "boppy." Do you know how long it took me to figure out what a "boppy" is? Several months into my pregnancy I finally caught on while registering, Oh, it's that curved pillow...Why don't they just call it a curved pillow? A third example, "tummy time." Okay, why don't they call this "core training" or "pilates" which it actually is? Just so you all know, I had to read an article to figure out what "tummy time" is and its purpose. My final proposition for this blog entry is that we stop using the cutsie words and use the accurate terminology so baby-idiots, such as myself, understand more quickly what is going on, what I need for my baby, and what I need to do with my baby. If you catch me using one of these words I give you permission to slap me across the face and rebuke me for feeding into the cutsie movement.

Note: Before posting this L read it and said, "Geez, someone has the Monday Moodies." Uh, it's Tuesday.

Popular demand

Well , after such crazed demand here is the little all nestled inside. Hope he likes it in there cuz when he gets out he is going right to work on the farm. I have decided that taking pregnant belly pictures is not the easiest thing in the world. I always see the adds of this pregnant lady and the belly and it looks all awesome and such. I think I am going to have to buy Photoshop to enhance my picture taking abilities.

Baby's First Concert

I can't believe I stood outside in a line for an hour and a half in freezing weather for a concert last night. I am sick and tired of sitting in an office chair for nine hours a day and than coming home each eventing to lay on a heating pad for six more hours, so when I was invited to go to MIKA's concert for free I found myself looking forward to something for the first time in months. Though standing there in the freezing cold and weaseling my way into restaurant's bathrooms (they all had signs that boldly threatened "FOR PATRONS ONLY") every twenty or so minutes wasn't really what I had in mind, it made for an exciting night...the first in a really really long time.

It was fun to use my 8.5 month pregnancy as a great excuse for lots of bad behavior: cutting in line, getting a good viewing position inside, having more room than is usually polite at a general admission concert, and shouting at the top of my lungs at the hostile lady behind us in line to SHUT UP!

If you are not familiar with MIKA, let me introduce you. MIKA is a band from the UK, lead singer from Lebanon and band members from various ethnic backgrounds. They have a Euro-vibe. That is, they can totally get away with being EMO without being annoying. The music is very light-hearted and carefree and if you sample a song or two you may be quite surprised and think, at first hearing, "Cheesy." But it totally grew on me and now I am definitely a fan--in fact, I had to talk myself out of buying a $40 MIKA shirt. MIKA is so popular in Europe that they are playing a 50,000 person venue on the 4th of July in Paris. Anyhoo, here is a link if you would like to check them out: http://www.mikasounds.com/uk.php

I think baby is a fan.

Good Therapist, Bad Therapist

It is another day at work, the same buzz of florescent lights singing through the hum-drum of my clients' problems just like any other day.

I am reviewing my schedule of afternoon appointments and I notice I am to see a brand new client at 2:00 pm. Ooo, something new to shake things up a bit. Wait, I think, is this the client whose mother I have been blowing off for weeks because she sounds over-dramatic and drunk on the voicemails she has left (but does not bother to schedule an appointment)? If so this meeting might be a little awkward.

I get the call from the administrative assistant stating that my client is ready. My heart is pounding a little harder than normal as I walk down the hallway to the waiting area...I really hope she doesn't yell at me.

Oh, they seem pretty normal; and they are smiling at me instead of yelling--cool. Cute 17 year-old girl with beautiful long blond hair and she looks just like Mom. I think I am going to like these two after all. I feel a little bad for blowing Mom off.

It's about half way through session now and Mom has spent the first half of session systematically explaining that her daughter is really Satan, and that is why they need therapy. Then Mom says meekly, "I'm just wondering if I can take her cell phone away when she breaks my rules?"

Instead of screaming, What in Sam's Hill lady?! Why haven't you taken it yet? No wonder your daughter thinks she can get away with smashing her fist through your house walls...Because SHE DOES! I say in my most genuine and thoughtful voice, "I'm wondering why you need validation from me to discipline you daughter?" (Note: This is a really good therapist thing to do)

She responds sadly, "Well, whenever I threaten to take her phone away she threatens to kill herself..."

I can feel my eyebrows narrow and the words tumble out like a boulder falling off a cliff, "What makes you think she is so serious about killing herself when you aren't so serious about taking her phone away?"

Mom's mouth falls open and daughter snickers slightly.

Now you decide: Good therapist or bad therapist?

P.S. Don't worry, I do all the right things after this, like safety planning.