Baby Bump?

I'm not sure why people refer to the expanding pregnant uterus as a baby bump. It never feels like a bump; bump implies something cute. In actuality my growing belly started out feeling like I was seriously bloated (oh wait, I was). I suggest we rename baby bump in the first trimester to baby bloat instead. After the bloating stage my stomach began to feel more like a mountain than a bump. I propose we rename the baby bump in the second trimester to baby bachelor (that's a reference to an Oregon mountain for our non-Oregonian readers). I am now in the after-mountain stage of the ever-growing mid-section, the stage where I feel as if my abdominal muscles are going to explode at any time. A good rename for the baby bump during the third trimester is baby burst. Sadly, I do not think the baby is going to burst out anytime soon.

Nothing about being pregnant feels cute even though people tell me all of the time how cute I am or look. There is something about babies that makes people go all cutsie. My first example is the "onsie." The reason they aren't called "body suits," which they actually are, is because "body suit" is not a cute word. So someone came up with "onsie" instead. Here's another example, "boppy." Do you know how long it took me to figure out what a "boppy" is? Several months into my pregnancy I finally caught on while registering, Oh, it's that curved pillow...Why don't they just call it a curved pillow? A third example, "tummy time." Okay, why don't they call this "core training" or "pilates" which it actually is? Just so you all know, I had to read an article to figure out what "tummy time" is and its purpose. My final proposition for this blog entry is that we stop using the cutsie words and use the accurate terminology so baby-idiots, such as myself, understand more quickly what is going on, what I need for my baby, and what I need to do with my baby. If you catch me using one of these words I give you permission to slap me across the face and rebuke me for feeding into the cutsie movement.

Note: Before posting this L read it and said, "Geez, someone has the Monday Moodies." Uh, it's Tuesday.