One Week Down, 17 Years and 51 Weeks To Go

I have been a mother for one week now. This is what I have learned about motherhood so far:

• It is harder than it looks
• It is normal to cry, a lot
• It is exciting when Baby does simple things like poop
• It is the main subject between husband and wife
• It is exhausting
• It is a wonder women have been doing this for thousands of years all over the world, successfully
• It is awesome
  

The First Day of Spring

Every year I look forward to it, every year I relish it, and every year it's the best day of my year. And now it's gotten even better.

My precious baby was born March 19, 2008, the first day of spring. Just like spring brings a light to my life, baby brings more happiness than I could have ever imagined...and his birthday will continue to be the best day of my years to come.

Wednesday morning I nervously got ready for my early doctor appointment. We had discussed induction in our prior visit but I wasn't sure if my doctor would give me the go-ahead. Well, she did. When I was faced with the decision to head straight over to the hospital to begin the process I became suddenly ambivalent. Good thing L and I had discussed it on the way to the appointment:

M: If she gives us the option we say 'yes', right?
L: I guess so.

This too-brief conversation did not prepare me for the ensuing panic attack. We had to drive about ten miles home to get my stuff (of course it was packed and ready) and I cried uncontrollably all the way home. As I looked at my baby-free home of six years I realized, emotionally, for the first time that my life was to change more than I could possibly comprehend. I wasn't sure those would be welcome changes. I looked sadly at my kitty and thought how angry she would be to have to share her parents. I looked around at my very messy/cluttered kitchen and thought about all the new things that would adorn our counters from now on (e.g. bottles, formula, nipples, bottle liners, baby Ty.len.ol, diaper rash cream, etc.). I looked one last glance at my stain-free white carpet (I'm sorry I keep bringing it up, but I love my carpet being stain-free). But as L's blessing he gave me before we left ended I took one last glance around and realized how empty our home really has been...

We got to the hospital at about 11:00 am and with virtually nerves gone, started the induction process. Technically I began the medication drip around noon. Four hours later the progress had been slow but average. My doctor told my nurse she would be over to break my water. I got so worried that it would hurt I got my epidural at that point. The anesthesiologist had one of those really old school bed-side manners where he barely looked or spoke to me . I cracked a few jokes he did not find funny while he administered the lifeline of labor and delivery. Though cold and aloof he is my hero--I always imagined labor and delivery pain-free just to cope...and he delivered my fantasy! Take note folks, these fantasies into reality are rare in life but totally awesome when they come.

After the water breaking and epidural things picked up dramatically and four hours later I was ready to push. Unfortunately, my doctor was delivering another more complicated case at the other hospital and I had to wait for two hours! This was the worst part of it. Waiting always sucks, but since the fetal monitors were having difficulty picking up baby's heart beat I had to lay in one position that whole time. The upper, non-numb, portion of my body's muscles began to seize up and it was pretty miserable (hey, but whose complaining?).

***

This is a great part of the story to give my labor and delivery nurse props. She was so amazing and gifted I get tearful just thinking about it. Imagine Nurse Barbie, that is what she looked like. My first reaction when she introduced herself to me was, "Great, someone who looks astonishing to make the most humble point in my life so far feel even worse." But she was exactly the opposite--she made everything better, everything. She was more attentive, caring, concerned, compassionate, informative, interested, positive, laid back, patient, and truly kind than any medical professional I have ever worked with. She gave me one-on-one attention and eased my nerves and discomfort in ways I would have never known to ask for. She even stayed after her shift, when she had to travel nearly 20 miles each way to get her son after her shift ended at 11:00 pm, to transport me herself to recovery. This was not her job but she volunteered to do it. She told me, "I like to see my patients through the whole process...I really hate leaving them." While I was pushing she stroked my legs and arms--it reminded me of how Grandpa Wilcox's home health care nurse stroked his head in his last hours of life--it really moved me to have someone show me such compassion. So, thanks RA for making my labor and delivery experience truly wonderful.

***

My doctor finally arrived at about 10:00 pm and I began to push. I only pushed for about 20-25 minutes because at 10:25 pm my baby was born. I have to tell you all a secret: I wasn't pushing will all my might at one point early on and she said, "Wow, that was a good push" and so I didn't even push that hard after that. Why expend 100% effort when 75% gets the job done? Pushing and delivering was so easy it was ridiculous--the easiest part of the experience by far. Once his head was out I could breath so much easier that I had for several months. The rest of him slid out within a flash. By the way, L was helping with his whole process (glad I didn't have to see what he saw)--our doctor is really cool. She laid him on my tummy and he stared up into space until the realization came to him that he could breath--then came the screams which only lasted a couple of minutes. L cut the cord right on my belly! Then transition nurse took him and L to the heat lamp table and did what they do, the APGAR test, weight, height, Vit. K shot, Vit A in eyes, etc. while I finished the dirty task of delivering the placenta (wow, that thing is gross). I had to get sutured as well.

L went with baby, after I held him for a few minutes, to get his bath while I was taken to recover in a new unit. I was so wound up after this experience I didn't sleep at all the rest of the night, making the next day pretty long and arduous. Baby slept in the nursery while I laid awake pondering everything that had just happened. There really are no words to describe those personal feelings so I will not even attempt.

Since my self-administered epidural (they give you a button to push, and I got a little happy about it apparently) took more than 10 hours to wear off L and the nurses had to carry me to and from the bathroom and wait on me hand and foot. I am a little ashamed to admit I loved being waited on like this. I didn't take advantage, however, and sent L home at 5:00 am because he began to be quite moody. At this point in the story I would like to give myself props. I wasn't rude to L once, not once throughout this process. The one time I got angry at him was when he grabbed my IV wrist for the 18 hundredth time and I punched him. I was in such a good mood, in fact, I was cracking jokes with my doctor while taking pushing breaks.

Baby's stats: 7 lbs 9 oz
20 inches long
Born: 03/19/08 at 10:25 pm, in Ogden Utah, the first day of spring

BABY!

This is the face he kept making right after he was born.

Doesn't he look like he's emerging from a cloud?

Baby and Mommy

Baby and Daddy

Sorry, No News Yet

There's nothing really to report other than L and I are not-so-patiently waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

Waiting for baby to come has my mind so occupied I can't think of anything else to blog about, and so I am sorry to our readers if you are looking for my thoughts on any other subject. I am afraid my mind may be similarly occupied for the several weeks after baby arrives as well. I'd really like to have baby either tonight, tomorrow anytime, or Wednesday morning (or at least I arrive at suitable enough labor that I can go to the hospital). I have a series of horrid clients to see Wednesday afternoon and if I could avoid them, that would be great! Not a good reason to have a baby you may be thinking...well you don't know these clients. You know what would really suck? If I went into labor right after the series of horrid clients. Yeah that would really, really suck.

I had a mother, today, have the gall to say to me, "Uh, your maternity leave is coming at a really inconvenient time..." It was one of those rare moments I was so overcome with shock and had no good comeback. And you know how it is, you think of all the good comebacks later. Like, "Uh, your phone call is coming at a really inconvenient time." or "Your complaining is coming at a really inconvenient time." or "Your existence is really inconvenient."

If my wish comes true I may not be blogging for awhile. I will remind L to post pictures of baby--don't worry, nothing gruesome or inappropriate.

Thanks

Last week several friends and co-workers got together and celebrated baby and me. I feel touched so many people are supportive of us, and I am very grateful for everyone's generosity.

At work they threw me a Mexican Fiesta and one fabulous lady even made mock-margaritas that were super tasty. One co-worker stayed up late in the night making Spanish Rice for the party (and learned that apparently it is really a pilaf). At book club they presented me, the only still child-less among us, with baby necessities I would have never known I would need.

On Saturday my very special and long-time friend Val threw me a baby shower that was so fun she couldn't get some of us to leave!

Several of my clients have also expressed their excitement and support of me.

I want to give a shout-out to everyone who has listened to me over the months 1) complain 2) have anxiety attacks 3) ask absurd questions 4) say silly things about pending motherhood I will soon regret 5) talk about baby incessantly 6) muse over my changing body and life 7) etc. So thanks to everyone who has been endlessly supportive and excited for me.

Thanks to L who listens to the above list times 100,000,000 without telling me to shut-up! If he has to hear one more time, "I wish you could be pregnant for one day...just one day..." And who looks at me wearing those awful sweats and t-shirts which only cover about three quarters of my belly--even when I go to the store. And who gets only about an eighth of the bed since I take up the rest. And who puts up with my mood fluctuations. And who puts together endless baby gadgets on top of going to work, going to school, and going to his practicum. And who tries to accommodate me in everything.

A Tribute to Frank McCourt

Browsing through the books on CD at the library one day a long time ago I came across a familiar title, Angela's Ashes. I hadn't seen the movie but figured since it was made into a movie it must be pretty good. As I began listening during my daily commute I realized this book isn't just 'pretty good' it is the best book I have ever read (or listened to). Angela's Ashes is Frank McCourt's recount of his life growing up in Ireland--"A miserable childhood" which he points out in his opening statement.

Frank McCourt's Pulitzer Prize winning story is read in his own voice, which makes listening to it a beautiful cultural experience. He even sings! If you decide to read this book based on this blog entry, please listen to it instead. Again, the story is so much better when hearing his voice and inflection.

Frank McCourt has written two additional memoirs: 'Tis and Teacher Man. Both are wonderful. There is a part in 'Tis where I laughed so hard tears came. If anyone has ever tried teaching teenagers they will be able to relate wholeheartedly to Teacher Man--I read it when I was attempting to teach life skills to criminal teens at an alternative high school. He has also written a children's book, about Christmas, Angela and The Baby Jesus.

Frank McCourt's reflection of his life has made such a difference in my life. Though I cannot relate to the degree of suffering he has experienced, I can very much relate to his emotional experience and reaction to the irony, humor, and humanity of of the world. I am so grateful I picked up his book that day...

You can learn more about Frank McCourt a this website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_McCourt

Bouncing Baby

Well folks here is the latest update of the kid inside. It is amazing that the technology is advanced enough to make a 3-D picture inside the womb. I think he is going to have a lot in common with his cousin buddy. If you can't tell what that is let me describe it to you. FAT!
Well, since we our all tired and our eye's hurt from reading M's post on how to get babies to sleep I will cut this short.