Well, He Got Me

So far, Baby has done the following all over L:

-Pooped Twice
-Peed Many Times
-Spit
-Spit Up

I have evaded all (except the very few times he has missed his spit rag and spit up on me). Is it wrong to have deluded myself into thinking he likes me better as a result? Here's why I have justified thinking he likes me better:

-I bore him

This is a stand alone reason why a child should like their mother more than their father. But, you know me, I have more:

-I endured morning sickness
-I endured the side effects of the medication prescribed to treat morning sickness
-I took no vacation/sick leave in just about a year to save up for maternity leave...this is such a HUGE sacrifice in my line of work
-I gained 27 lbs (another stand alone reason)
-I had a huge needle stuck in my back
-I was paralyzed for nearly 24 hours
-I had food aversion for two weeks after delivery
-I get up in the middle of the night to comfort him, every time he cries
-I feed him six times a day, which takes over an hour each time
-I comfort him when he is screaming at the top of his lungs and I have a splitting headache
-I endured leakiness from every part of my body for weeks (okay, maybe not every part)
-I no longer fit in more than half of my wardrobe
-I worry every second of every minute of every hour of every day
-I have learned to administer a suppository
-I have referred to the pacifier/Sooth.ie as "binkie" more than once (see previous blog post)
-Etc.
-Etc.
-Etc.

But today, he got me. He pooped projectile feces onto me, everywhere. I knew vomit could be projectile but I had no idea stool could be...the life lessons just keep on coming don't they? The poop incident disproves my delusion.

It's A Miracle!

I don't find it necessary to post every day, but bear with me because I have a miracle to report:

Yesterday Baby starting sucking a regular pacifier, not such a big deal? Well when you have a fussy baby it is a dream come true. For the first month of his life he would only suck on the hospital issue Sooth.ie. Unfortunately it is shaped exactly like his bottle nipples (and we have to use those bottles to reduce his gas) and so when we would place the Sooth.ie in his mouth he would get offended that it wasn't food--even after he gorged himself to the point of spitting up and scream at us--this is what he does when he is angry. If we tried to pacify him during a temper tantrum the Sooth.ie would just make it worse. Further, the Sooth.ie shape does not stay in a baby's (who is just learning to suck) mouth very well, so it never was effective (on the rare occasion it was working) for very long. We would swaddle the Sooth.ie to Baby's face to help it stay in place.

Yesterday the Sooth.ie was lost, a travesty for most parents with infants, but really not a big loss for us. So during a diaper changing L tried the regular type of pacifier for the millionth time and lo and behold, it worked for hours...hours! All evening and all night and now all morning. Baby, at one month old slept 8 hours last night. I would like to thank the good old fashion pacifier (and my sister's infant sleeping advice).

Here's more photos I didn't have time to blog yesterday

Baby's first day of church was today. He was sooooo good, a little too good.

Damn loves to hang out in the Baby's things...the other picture of Damnit would not upload--it was her and Baby napping together.

Why is Daddy's idea of helping napping?

My beautiful Aunties love me. Uncle Jordan is in the background looking like another Auntie!

He looks like one of those 1980's toys, Glowbugs

Baby napping is a good time to get things done...oh wait, no it's not!

Yo Shorty, It's Your Birthday

Baby is one month old (at 10:25 pm) today. I thought I would photo chronicle his life up to this point. This picture is when Baby arrived home from the hospital. This picture does not show Mommy's facial expression which says, "What the h do we do now?" Good thing Grandma Debi came to teach Mommy what the h to do...

"Hi-yah!"

I hate getting out of my bath...

But I love being in my bath!

Anne Geddes baby? Not quite!

Damn's revenge

Baby taking one right in the face. This is the first time that damn helped give a bath. Now she helps every night.

Civil Rights Don't Apply to Everyone?

Not sure how many people outside of Utah and Texas are aware of the government searches of the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saint compound over the last week in Texas, but I would like to comment on this issue.

First, I need to make it clear to my readers that the FLDS religion is not affiliated with my LDS faith (aka Mormonism). Polygamy is not condoned by my fellow church members and my church leaders, and has not been practiced by Mormons in good standing with the church in more than a hundred years.

Second, as a human being, as a member of society, and as a dedicated youth therapist it is my moral, personal, and legal responsibility to report child abuse to authorities. Taking such civic and ethical responsibilities very seriously I find all child abuse abhorrent and I have difficulty understanding, and having empathy for, anyone that abuses an innocent child.

Third, I have always had a difficult time with the notion of Polygamy--not a fan. I have not been able to temper what I know to be true in my religion and the fact that my religion does have a Polygamy history. I struggle to understand why Utah's AG has looked the other way when it comes to enforcing Utah law and prosecuting the illegalities of the many Utah Polygamists. That is, until now...

With this said, I find the Texas raids deeply disturbing. When the news first broke I didn't understand my initial uncomfortable feelings--why did it bother me that Texas was finally doing what I have often criticized Utah for not doing? It took several days for me to analyze my feelings and here goes: it comes down to basic civil rights. Do we not have the right to practice religion in this country, as long as it does not impede on another's rights? I finally understand why Utah's AG has not taken this on--they will find themselves in a messy Civil Rights battle. Despite my own discomfort with Polygamy, don't Polygamists have a right to worship just like I do? My faith has been grossly unpopular in the past and I can't help but think about the persecution Mormons unjustly endured for many years. Might I point out it was legal to kill a Mormon in the state of Missouri until just a few years ago? If the FDLS faith is going to be prosecuted for their worship, how long will it be until all of us are prosecuted/persecuted for our worship? America is based on fundamental human rights and I want to keep mine. I want to keep mine even when I disagree with someone else's interpretation of their rights, just as long as my rights/safety and my children's rights/safety are not infringed upon as a result.

Further, was it really necessary to take more than 450 (I cannot even wrap my head around this number) children into state's custody? As stated above I advocate investigating child abuse allegations and prosecuting offenders to the full extent of the law. And I am glad Texas took the abuse allegation seriously and initiated an investigation. But taking nearly 500 children out of their homes is complete over-kill and the resulting trauma of being removed from their parents inflicted on those children makes me very glad I am not a children's therapist in Texas that will have to clean up the emotional mess the Texas government has created. I can think of many ways this particular FLDS group could have been investigated without removing all of the children.

One of the nightly news headlines last night was, "Fundamentalist Women Taking Matters Into Their Own Hands and Fight To Get Their Children Back." Good for them, go FLDS women!

Mission Impossible

My life has one simple two-parter goal: 1) Do everything in my power to avoid Baby crying 2) Get Baby to stop crying as quickly as possible.

Currently I am failing miserably at both parts of this mission.

I find I am frustrated that even I cannot soothe Baby in a reasonable amount of time. We are going to be hated everywhere we go--don't worry, we will not be one of those couples who take their baby to the movies. Unfortunately, we are already one of those couples who has taken their infant to restaurants (even non-family friendly ones...hey, I deserve a decent meal whether or not I have a baby...right?!), the mall, and the library (horror of all horrors). And soon we will be one of those couples with a baby on an airplane and one of those couples whose baby cries throughout church services--oh wait, this was one of my motivations to have a baby, a valid excuse to sit in the foyer and not listen. Sweet. I guess even a crying baby has its perks.

Baby loves JT

Last night Baby communicated to us his favorite musician--Justin Timberlake. I think I'm a little embarrassed for him (as I am a closeted fan, at least until now).

Baby has a gas problem which causes him a great deal of discomfort at times and the other day L had i.tunes on random while we prepared for Baby's first photo shoot. Baby was gassy and fussy and suddenly JT's 'Sexy Back' begins to play and Baby stops crying and appears to be listening. I think it is a fluke and I get a kick out of making him dance to the song (his best move so far, the sprinkler). Then last night Baby was throwing a huge screaming gas temper tantrum and L turned on JT again to see if it would work to calm Baby down--it worked! Baby stopped crying immediately and began listening. And then just now as I sat down to do some business on the computer Baby began fussing and I immediately pulled up the media player and began playing JT, and again Baby stopped crying to listen. Now he is laying contentedly on my lap taking in the tunes. Looks like Baby's third concert (the second was Jim Brickman) will be JT if he ever comes to Utah.

One Week Down, 17 Years and 51 Weeks To Go

I have been a mother for one week now. This is what I have learned about motherhood so far:

• It is harder than it looks
• It is normal to cry, a lot
• It is exciting when Baby does simple things like poop
• It is the main subject between husband and wife
• It is exhausting
• It is a wonder women have been doing this for thousands of years all over the world, successfully
• It is awesome
  

The First Day of Spring

Every year I look forward to it, every year I relish it, and every year it's the best day of my year. And now it's gotten even better.

My precious baby was born March 19, 2008, the first day of spring. Just like spring brings a light to my life, baby brings more happiness than I could have ever imagined...and his birthday will continue to be the best day of my years to come.

Wednesday morning I nervously got ready for my early doctor appointment. We had discussed induction in our prior visit but I wasn't sure if my doctor would give me the go-ahead. Well, she did. When I was faced with the decision to head straight over to the hospital to begin the process I became suddenly ambivalent. Good thing L and I had discussed it on the way to the appointment:

M: If she gives us the option we say 'yes', right?
L: I guess so.

This too-brief conversation did not prepare me for the ensuing panic attack. We had to drive about ten miles home to get my stuff (of course it was packed and ready) and I cried uncontrollably all the way home. As I looked at my baby-free home of six years I realized, emotionally, for the first time that my life was to change more than I could possibly comprehend. I wasn't sure those would be welcome changes. I looked sadly at my kitty and thought how angry she would be to have to share her parents. I looked around at my very messy/cluttered kitchen and thought about all the new things that would adorn our counters from now on (e.g. bottles, formula, nipples, bottle liners, baby Ty.len.ol, diaper rash cream, etc.). I looked one last glance at my stain-free white carpet (I'm sorry I keep bringing it up, but I love my carpet being stain-free). But as L's blessing he gave me before we left ended I took one last glance around and realized how empty our home really has been...

We got to the hospital at about 11:00 am and with virtually nerves gone, started the induction process. Technically I began the medication drip around noon. Four hours later the progress had been slow but average. My doctor told my nurse she would be over to break my water. I got so worried that it would hurt I got my epidural at that point. The anesthesiologist had one of those really old school bed-side manners where he barely looked or spoke to me . I cracked a few jokes he did not find funny while he administered the lifeline of labor and delivery. Though cold and aloof he is my hero--I always imagined labor and delivery pain-free just to cope...and he delivered my fantasy! Take note folks, these fantasies into reality are rare in life but totally awesome when they come.

After the water breaking and epidural things picked up dramatically and four hours later I was ready to push. Unfortunately, my doctor was delivering another more complicated case at the other hospital and I had to wait for two hours! This was the worst part of it. Waiting always sucks, but since the fetal monitors were having difficulty picking up baby's heart beat I had to lay in one position that whole time. The upper, non-numb, portion of my body's muscles began to seize up and it was pretty miserable (hey, but whose complaining?).

***

This is a great part of the story to give my labor and delivery nurse props. She was so amazing and gifted I get tearful just thinking about it. Imagine Nurse Barbie, that is what she looked like. My first reaction when she introduced herself to me was, "Great, someone who looks astonishing to make the most humble point in my life so far feel even worse." But she was exactly the opposite--she made everything better, everything. She was more attentive, caring, concerned, compassionate, informative, interested, positive, laid back, patient, and truly kind than any medical professional I have ever worked with. She gave me one-on-one attention and eased my nerves and discomfort in ways I would have never known to ask for. She even stayed after her shift, when she had to travel nearly 20 miles each way to get her son after her shift ended at 11:00 pm, to transport me herself to recovery. This was not her job but she volunteered to do it. She told me, "I like to see my patients through the whole process...I really hate leaving them." While I was pushing she stroked my legs and arms--it reminded me of how Grandpa Wilcox's home health care nurse stroked his head in his last hours of life--it really moved me to have someone show me such compassion. So, thanks RA for making my labor and delivery experience truly wonderful.

***

My doctor finally arrived at about 10:00 pm and I began to push. I only pushed for about 20-25 minutes because at 10:25 pm my baby was born. I have to tell you all a secret: I wasn't pushing will all my might at one point early on and she said, "Wow, that was a good push" and so I didn't even push that hard after that. Why expend 100% effort when 75% gets the job done? Pushing and delivering was so easy it was ridiculous--the easiest part of the experience by far. Once his head was out I could breath so much easier that I had for several months. The rest of him slid out within a flash. By the way, L was helping with his whole process (glad I didn't have to see what he saw)--our doctor is really cool. She laid him on my tummy and he stared up into space until the realization came to him that he could breath--then came the screams which only lasted a couple of minutes. L cut the cord right on my belly! Then transition nurse took him and L to the heat lamp table and did what they do, the APGAR test, weight, height, Vit. K shot, Vit A in eyes, etc. while I finished the dirty task of delivering the placenta (wow, that thing is gross). I had to get sutured as well.

L went with baby, after I held him for a few minutes, to get his bath while I was taken to recover in a new unit. I was so wound up after this experience I didn't sleep at all the rest of the night, making the next day pretty long and arduous. Baby slept in the nursery while I laid awake pondering everything that had just happened. There really are no words to describe those personal feelings so I will not even attempt.

Since my self-administered epidural (they give you a button to push, and I got a little happy about it apparently) took more than 10 hours to wear off L and the nurses had to carry me to and from the bathroom and wait on me hand and foot. I am a little ashamed to admit I loved being waited on like this. I didn't take advantage, however, and sent L home at 5:00 am because he began to be quite moody. At this point in the story I would like to give myself props. I wasn't rude to L once, not once throughout this process. The one time I got angry at him was when he grabbed my IV wrist for the 18 hundredth time and I punched him. I was in such a good mood, in fact, I was cracking jokes with my doctor while taking pushing breaks.

Baby's stats: 7 lbs 9 oz
20 inches long
Born: 03/19/08 at 10:25 pm, in Ogden Utah, the first day of spring

BABY!

This is the face he kept making right after he was born.

Doesn't he look like he's emerging from a cloud?

Baby and Mommy

Baby and Daddy

Sorry, No News Yet

There's nothing really to report other than L and I are not-so-patiently waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

Waiting for baby to come has my mind so occupied I can't think of anything else to blog about, and so I am sorry to our readers if you are looking for my thoughts on any other subject. I am afraid my mind may be similarly occupied for the several weeks after baby arrives as well. I'd really like to have baby either tonight, tomorrow anytime, or Wednesday morning (or at least I arrive at suitable enough labor that I can go to the hospital). I have a series of horrid clients to see Wednesday afternoon and if I could avoid them, that would be great! Not a good reason to have a baby you may be thinking...well you don't know these clients. You know what would really suck? If I went into labor right after the series of horrid clients. Yeah that would really, really suck.

I had a mother, today, have the gall to say to me, "Uh, your maternity leave is coming at a really inconvenient time..." It was one of those rare moments I was so overcome with shock and had no good comeback. And you know how it is, you think of all the good comebacks later. Like, "Uh, your phone call is coming at a really inconvenient time." or "Your complaining is coming at a really inconvenient time." or "Your existence is really inconvenient."

If my wish comes true I may not be blogging for awhile. I will remind L to post pictures of baby--don't worry, nothing gruesome or inappropriate.

Thanks

Last week several friends and co-workers got together and celebrated baby and me. I feel touched so many people are supportive of us, and I am very grateful for everyone's generosity.

At work they threw me a Mexican Fiesta and one fabulous lady even made mock-margaritas that were super tasty. One co-worker stayed up late in the night making Spanish Rice for the party (and learned that apparently it is really a pilaf). At book club they presented me, the only still child-less among us, with baby necessities I would have never known I would need.

On Saturday my very special and long-time friend Val threw me a baby shower that was so fun she couldn't get some of us to leave!

Several of my clients have also expressed their excitement and support of me.

I want to give a shout-out to everyone who has listened to me over the months 1) complain 2) have anxiety attacks 3) ask absurd questions 4) say silly things about pending motherhood I will soon regret 5) talk about baby incessantly 6) muse over my changing body and life 7) etc. So thanks to everyone who has been endlessly supportive and excited for me.

Thanks to L who listens to the above list times 100,000,000 without telling me to shut-up! If he has to hear one more time, "I wish you could be pregnant for one day...just one day..." And who looks at me wearing those awful sweats and t-shirts which only cover about three quarters of my belly--even when I go to the store. And who gets only about an eighth of the bed since I take up the rest. And who puts up with my mood fluctuations. And who puts together endless baby gadgets on top of going to work, going to school, and going to his practicum. And who tries to accommodate me in everything.

A Tribute to Frank McCourt

Browsing through the books on CD at the library one day a long time ago I came across a familiar title, Angela's Ashes. I hadn't seen the movie but figured since it was made into a movie it must be pretty good. As I began listening during my daily commute I realized this book isn't just 'pretty good' it is the best book I have ever read (or listened to). Angela's Ashes is Frank McCourt's recount of his life growing up in Ireland--"A miserable childhood" which he points out in his opening statement.

Frank McCourt's Pulitzer Prize winning story is read in his own voice, which makes listening to it a beautiful cultural experience. He even sings! If you decide to read this book based on this blog entry, please listen to it instead. Again, the story is so much better when hearing his voice and inflection.

Frank McCourt has written two additional memoirs: 'Tis and Teacher Man. Both are wonderful. There is a part in 'Tis where I laughed so hard tears came. If anyone has ever tried teaching teenagers they will be able to relate wholeheartedly to Teacher Man--I read it when I was attempting to teach life skills to criminal teens at an alternative high school. He has also written a children's book, about Christmas, Angela and The Baby Jesus.

Frank McCourt's reflection of his life has made such a difference in my life. Though I cannot relate to the degree of suffering he has experienced, I can very much relate to his emotional experience and reaction to the irony, humor, and humanity of of the world. I am so grateful I picked up his book that day...

You can learn more about Frank McCourt a this website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_McCourt

Bouncing Baby

Well folks here is the latest update of the kid inside. It is amazing that the technology is advanced enough to make a 3-D picture inside the womb. I think he is going to have a lot in common with his cousin buddy. If you can't tell what that is let me describe it to you. FAT!
Well, since we our all tired and our eye's hurt from reading M's post on how to get babies to sleep I will cut this short.

Of Contractions and No Sleep

I'm having contractions! I am so excited about it since my doctor said that contractions in the weeks before delivery is a really good sign that your labor will go quicker and easier. The only problem is contractions really suck. And they don't even hurt that bad right now. Yikes...

*****

Last night I woke up several times, which is usual nowadays, from a number of ailments. The first awakening occurred when the entire right side of my body fell asleep. The second occurred after a nightmare--I knew I had a baby but I couldn't find it anywhere. The third when I had to pea for the first time. The fourth, fifth and sixth because L was snoring. The seventh when I had to pea for the second time; but this time I thought I would just suck it up and wait until wake-up time. You may think I am crazy for avoiding 9th month pregnancy urination but I have learned that baby wakes up when I get up in the middle of the night to relieve myself, which in turn keeps me up for various lengths of time. Well, I couldn't suck it up for long and sure enough baby woke up. Baby was awake for TWO HOURS. Yep, between 3:30 am to 5:30 am. I'm not sure what he thinks he is doing but it sure seems like he's having a good time; at least one of us is. As I laid there thinking I realized I have probably slept my last really good night of sleep. I am not sure when it was, I didn't know good sleep was coming to an end and so I am afraid I did not appreciate that one last night...

Let Me Introduce You to Damnit All To Hell!

Some of you may not know my kitty's full name: Damnit All To Hell Camu-Liggett-Sajovic-Hemphill. She has been my baby since October 2001, and each of her last names honors one of her owners, past and present. As fore mentioned, this is her full given name but she has a lot of names. During the 2004 summer Olympics she was watching the women's diving competition and felt badly that her name didn't reflect her Asian heritage. So we picked out, Wu Yu (Wu was one of the diving competitors, you see). Wu Yu is a very convenient name when she has been bad because it translates easily to "Woooooo, you!!!!!" while I chase her around the house trying to catch her to either go into time out or to get sprayed with water. When I first got her she was so little and naughty that we often referred to her as "Bad Baby." We would sing it to the tune of "Bad Boys." Even though she has severe behavior problems, a very poor attitude, and has being rude down to an art she is also extraordinarily loving. At these times we refer to her as "Precious." I always wanted a cat with blue eyes and so sometimes I can't help but call her "Baby Blue." Anyway, our blog didn't feel complete without mentioning this member of our family.

Baby Bump?

I'm not sure why people refer to the expanding pregnant uterus as a baby bump. It never feels like a bump; bump implies something cute. In actuality my growing belly started out feeling like I was seriously bloated (oh wait, I was). I suggest we rename baby bump in the first trimester to baby bloat instead. After the bloating stage my stomach began to feel more like a mountain than a bump. I propose we rename the baby bump in the second trimester to baby bachelor (that's a reference to an Oregon mountain for our non-Oregonian readers). I am now in the after-mountain stage of the ever-growing mid-section, the stage where I feel as if my abdominal muscles are going to explode at any time. A good rename for the baby bump during the third trimester is baby burst. Sadly, I do not think the baby is going to burst out anytime soon.

Nothing about being pregnant feels cute even though people tell me all of the time how cute I am or look. There is something about babies that makes people go all cutsie. My first example is the "onsie." The reason they aren't called "body suits," which they actually are, is because "body suit" is not a cute word. So someone came up with "onsie" instead. Here's another example, "boppy." Do you know how long it took me to figure out what a "boppy" is? Several months into my pregnancy I finally caught on while registering, Oh, it's that curved pillow...Why don't they just call it a curved pillow? A third example, "tummy time." Okay, why don't they call this "core training" or "pilates" which it actually is? Just so you all know, I had to read an article to figure out what "tummy time" is and its purpose. My final proposition for this blog entry is that we stop using the cutsie words and use the accurate terminology so baby-idiots, such as myself, understand more quickly what is going on, what I need for my baby, and what I need to do with my baby. If you catch me using one of these words I give you permission to slap me across the face and rebuke me for feeding into the cutsie movement.

Note: Before posting this L read it and said, "Geez, someone has the Monday Moodies." Uh, it's Tuesday.

Popular demand

Well , after such crazed demand here is the little all nestled inside. Hope he likes it in there cuz when he gets out he is going right to work on the farm. I have decided that taking pregnant belly pictures is not the easiest thing in the world. I always see the adds of this pregnant lady and the belly and it looks all awesome and such. I think I am going to have to buy Photoshop to enhance my picture taking abilities.

Baby's First Concert

I can't believe I stood outside in a line for an hour and a half in freezing weather for a concert last night. I am sick and tired of sitting in an office chair for nine hours a day and than coming home each eventing to lay on a heating pad for six more hours, so when I was invited to go to MIKA's concert for free I found myself looking forward to something for the first time in months. Though standing there in the freezing cold and weaseling my way into restaurant's bathrooms (they all had signs that boldly threatened "FOR PATRONS ONLY") every twenty or so minutes wasn't really what I had in mind, it made for an exciting night...the first in a really really long time.

It was fun to use my 8.5 month pregnancy as a great excuse for lots of bad behavior: cutting in line, getting a good viewing position inside, having more room than is usually polite at a general admission concert, and shouting at the top of my lungs at the hostile lady behind us in line to SHUT UP!

If you are not familiar with MIKA, let me introduce you. MIKA is a band from the UK, lead singer from Lebanon and band members from various ethnic backgrounds. They have a Euro-vibe. That is, they can totally get away with being EMO without being annoying. The music is very light-hearted and carefree and if you sample a song or two you may be quite surprised and think, at first hearing, "Cheesy." But it totally grew on me and now I am definitely a fan--in fact, I had to talk myself out of buying a $40 MIKA shirt. MIKA is so popular in Europe that they are playing a 50,000 person venue on the 4th of July in Paris. Anyhoo, here is a link if you would like to check them out: http://www.mikasounds.com/uk.php

I think baby is a fan.