He's Just So Freakin' Cute

Like A Baby In Headlights  

"S'up, Yo?"

"My Mommy and Daddy Can't Help Themselves."

"I really do smile, sometimes."

I've Learned a Few More Things...

I would have never guessed that getting a baby to sleep would become my most valuable skill:

I thought tying my shoes was pretty important at the time, but stilettos (at least the ones I want to wear) don't have shoe laces.

Reading was hard in the beginning, but definitely worth it in the end.

I thought logarithms were hard...listening to complaining parents while wondering what Baby is doing is harder.

I thought 17 credits would do me in, but trying to get a three month-old baby to smile on demand during the 15 minutes worth of patience the Pennie.s photographer has left during the only weekend in the next two months that would accommodate three month-old pictures with a grandma who traveled a long distance with soaring gas prices really just about did me in.

Plus...

You know how when you don't think things could get any worse and then they always do in some horrific way you could have never ever predicted?  That happened today.  Don't worry, no one died.  I just wanted to.  It was one of those "most embarrassing moments" that is too embarrassing to tell anyone about and I am dying sitting here thinking about the people who witnessed my train wreck telling others about it.  Anyway, the disaster was so problematic I, to save any dignity I had left, canceled my afternoon appointments and took a long and savory nap with Baby.  

The moral of the story is:  When things get bad, there is Baby's breath on my chest to remind me that everything is as it should be.

Olympics, Here I Come!

I figure Baby can shoot for the 2024 Summer Olympics (he'll be 16).

My Life So Far

Here I am in my favorite nap place, my swing. I'm not sure if my mommy has mentioned this yet, but I used to not nap. I would cry and fuss all day and I would refuse to sleep. My mommy helped me learn to nap by putting me in here and setting it on the highest level...I like lots of movement and so eventually I would fall asleep. Now I mostly nap in my crib but every once in awhile my mommy gives me a treat and lets me nap here. I am holding one of my toys which surprised Mommy because I usually don't play with my toys very much. I like to play with Daddy and Mommy instead of toys.

Here is an update and me:

-I weight nearly 13 pounds (75th percentile)
-I am 24 inches long (90th percentile)

Here are things I like:
-Mommy
-Daddy
-Lily Mae (my best friend, plush toy)
-Eating
-Playing with Mommy and Daddy
-Bath time
-Music, especially Hip Hop (My new favorite is Usher)
-Being Outside
-My Mommy's Singing
-Church
-Auntie Shelby
-Being Naked
-Funny Noises
-Helping Mommy Put Her Makeup On and Cook
-Going Jogging with Mommy
-Sleeping with Mommy and/or Daddy

Here are things I don't like:
-Burping
-Sleeping, especially napping
-Playing with toys/myself
-Too many people in one place
-Being held by too many people
-Being ignored when I fuss for no reason
-Being held in the cradle position
-My Daddy's Singing
-Bedtime
-Television, Unless Usher Is On It
-My Car Seat
-My Acid Reflux
-Mommy going to work

Here are things I am good at:
-Kicking
-Smiling
-Talking
-Eating all my food
-Having a lot of energy
-Sleeping at night (I now sleep through the night)
-Letting Mommy and Daddy know what I want

Here are things I need to work on:
-Laughing
-Asking for things nicely
-Napping
-Keeping all my food down
-Being patient
-Sleeping during the day
-Using my Sooth.ie when I don't get what
I want

I keep on growing and figuring things out. My mommy and daddy are relieved that I am a happier baby now.

My mommy wants me to mention that she sewed my graduation outfit (the picture posted for Daddy's graduation) all by herself. Isn't she amazing? I also think she is beautiful and a genius.

Mommy and Baby Playing

 Those of you who know baby will not believe your eyes and ears when you view this adorable video of Baby smiling and almost laughing.  Baby has become happy!  He was diagnosed with acid reflux and given a prescription which has improved his mood significantly.  

Graduating Rocks!

I have to admit that I never thought it was going to end. Working on the farm I never thought I was going to go to college. It was the farthest thing from my mind. I was just going to own my own farming business.
After I got home of the mish things were not working out the way I had hoped. I began to rethink my current situation, which was spending dollars to earn pennies. Borrowing a hundred thousand to repay in one year with the proceeds coming from the farm product was not my cup of tea.
I meet this girl who was really cool, educated, and really hot ("current wife" Myndi). She was not so down with the farm either. She did not care for the fact that I was working hours which I had no control over and never really made any money. I began to think I had better do something before all the ground is sold and I am going to be flipping burgers at MC D's when I am 40. So with the encouragement of my wife I set out on this long journey.
I started my schooling career as Myndi was starting her masters. This was no easy task. I had as many as four jobs at one time while going to school. Myndi had a part time job while she went through her masters. Soon she was done with her degree and had I good job and I soon cut back to two jobs and then one. Little did she know that she would have to return to school under my degree editing all of my papers.
After four long years, many sleepless nights working at the hospital and then attending school the next day and all of the bribery that I had to do to get Myndi to correct my papers I graduated with honors and received my BSN.
I would just like to say with out the help and encouragement of my awesome wife Myndi I would still be spending dollars to make pennies on the farm and would have a secure future in the burger flipping industry.
I am sure that when I am done with my CRNA she will demand a pair of manolo blahnik for repayment.

Back in The Saddle

Today was my first day back to work.  Surprisingly, it wasn't has difficult as some people said it would be.  But on the other hand it was harder than I ever thought it would be.  Being at work reminded me how much I like my job.  As much as I complain (no surprise to my regular readers) I really do love it.  I have wanted to be a therapist for as long as I can remember.  The aspiration specifically came to me after I read "There's a boy in The Girls Bathroom" by Louis Sacher when I was in the fifth grade.  

But being at work also made me think/realize I would much rather be raising my own child than attempting to raise 50-75 of other peoples' children, depending on my caseload on a given day.  Hopefully I will be able to go part time by the end of the summer; I have been scheming up ideas to make this possible.  Stay tuned for my decision and the outcome of my scheming.

It is once more again apparent to me how much having a child changes things.  I was once a very ambitious young professional.  Now I am a mother.

***

And in other news...

Baby pooped all over Grandma Jeri last night.  After an major Memorial Day BBQ fest she offered to put Baby to bed while L and I and all of his brothers and sisters and some friends went to a movie.  When we got home she informed us that he pooped in his bath requiring her to change the water.  Then he pooped again when she was toweling him off!  It was everywhere! Baby got three baths last night...glad it wasn't me this time.

***

Speaking of BBQ fests...We bought a charcoal grill and grilled a rack of pork spareribs.  We used wood to smoke them and you wouldn't believe how much you could taste it.  Let's just say, L and I are just a shade under BBQ masters.  I even made my own BBQ sauce which completely stole the show.  We also made beef short ribs--it was the first time I have eaten and enjoyed short ribs.  My marinade was to-die-for to say the least.  To round things out we threw on some crab legs, had a green salad, and a fruit salad. Since it is L's b-day today I made the most amazing cake.  It had a black-berry cream filling, need I say more?  Too bad we didn't think to take pictures of the grandeur.  Anybody hungry now?

Lightly Used Jogging Stroller For Sale

-One year old

-Folds up compactly, I think

-Comes from a lizard-free home

-Has never ever ever been exposed to any sort of amphetamine

-Has certainly never been stolen

-Excellent condition except some minor scratches on the frame where someone did not scratch off the serial number

We may pay you to take this off of our hands.  Our clean and innocent hands. 

Drop It Like It's Hot

Snoop was on to something...

Looking in the mirror post-partum has become increasingly depressing. I actually lost 20 of 27 pounds in six weeks; unfortunately those last seven pounds are proving extremely difficult to shed.  Since I like Baby and I like to jog L and I began reviewing local ad listings for a used jogging stroller.  After only a few days we found the perfect nearly new stroller listed in Logan for a fabulous price.  Yeah it was a long drive but totally worth it if it can help me lose those pesky love handles...

It was a beautiful evening when arrived at the small Northern Utah apartment complex.  We gingerly knocked on the door in anticipation.  We love making a deal in our family; we were excited about the pending haggling in which we were about to engage. The door opened and there stood a woman holding a baby.  Normal enough...

Until we looked beyond the woman.  L half-way entered the apartment and I rear-ended him when he abruptly stopped before he was fully inside.  I push against him to alert him that "Hey, I'm still out her" and I see his right hand gesture ever so slightly for me to stop and not enter the apartment.  Suspicious I take a look around and the interior of the apartment.  I have never seen so much junk in one place.  And I have never seen so much filth.  At a closer look the woman appeared as if she hadn't showered in a few days/weeks and the baby she was holding was sporting a saggy-bottomed diaper and had snot dribbling out of his nose all of the way to his mouth.   

Looking to the right I saw that the kitchen counter was completely covered in dirty dishes, two feet high  Being quite observant, I actually noticed a bottle of pink dish detergents, completely full.  And a sweet looking pink Iris being kept alive by a dainty beer bottle vase.  Six inches away from my feet stood a crock pot which appeared as if someone had made pulled pork...six years ago.  Ew?  Except there was no insert in the crock pot!  

Then I saw the bikes.  Maybe six within my impaired view from the front porch.  Then I saw the clothes and pop cans and the papers and the food and the grocery sacks and the blankets and the toys and the used diapers and everything else a household typically contains on the floor. There was no furniture in view.  Everything these people owned was on the floor (except their dishes of course. Oh, and the dish detergent and pink Iris).   

During our brief stay the background music was Hendrix and then The Who.  Against the back wall was an aquarium that housed a flourescent light.  It wasn't until the drive home when L and I realized the aquarium was not likely the home of any sort of amphibian but of some sort of cannabis.  

The gentleman of the home began showing us what did appear to be a very lightly used jogging stroller.  But he couldn't figure out how to fold it down when L asked. Then I asked how long they have had it, found out about a year.  Why are they selling it then, and the woman answered that she has a nephew.  I am still not sure what that meant.  I asked where they got it and the woman stated it came from a local retailer.  

By this time there was a funny feeling in the air and I got anxious to ge the H out of there.  L was feeling the same and we began wrapping up with the sellers without even engaging in haggling.  Yes, we purchased the stroller.

Driving home we discussed the strange circumstances around purchasing the stroller.  And it dawned on us that we likely just bought a hot stroller.  When they said it came from a local retailer they weren't lying, they meant they got it out front of the store where it was parked by the unsuspecting legitimate owner.  Plus, weren't these people meth-heads?  So, they are stealing bikes and strollers and possibly other things like nasty crock pots and selling them to naive middle class citizens like ourselves...

The Last Few Weeks

After a brief hiatus...

While I was posting my last entry L was fetching my sister and her two boys from the airport; they came into town to visit with Baby and I. And things have been very busy ever since. That week she helped me prepare for Baby's blessing and helped teach me some valuable parenting tips. Unfortunately Baby continues to have a crying problem (some may say it is my problem), despite my best efforts at implementing her, and others', advice.

She did help me determine that there is something wrong with Baby...this type of crying is not normal--it literally will last for hours and it is extremely vehement. His face turns bright red and he thrashes his arms and legs. Nothing helps and nothing works to stop the crying. It is frustrating to not have experience behind me as a parent. I had a feeling there might be something wrong but since there was nothing obvious, besides the crying, I kept blaming my inexperience. I have never been around babies, I avoided them growing up. I didn't have that typical female draw toward them (there was this church song for young women when I was growing up that said, 'Whenever I see a baby cry, my heart reaches out...' Yeah, my heart and mind ran away...fast). In fact, the only babies I have liked, in my life, include my own baby and my sister's children.

So I made an appointment with the pediatrician. He pretty much did nothing except give me a handout which informed me of the following: babies get cold, babies get hungry, babies get bored, babies get tired, and babies get over-stimulated. The handout also included a list of books I can read to help me learn how to calm my baby. He didn't stick around long enough for me to tell him I have already read three of the listed books. You can imagine my frustration. Taking things into my own hands, I changed his formula (would any of this be happening if I breast fed?) and my sister's friend showed me a stomach massage that is the only thing, thus far, that will even take the edge off. I should note at this point that he is crying at the top of his lungs in his room next door to my computer and has been for the last two hours. Should I mention to my pediatrician I swaddled him twice, fed him, changed him, played with him, distracted him, rocked him to a semi-sleep, and turned out the lights?

How could I forget? There is one more thing that takes the edge off, the baby front carrier my book club gave me as a baby gift. The kid loves it. I have a love-hate relationship with it. I love it because baby is happy in it. I hate it because wearing it is like a continuation of pregnancy minus the convenience of the placenta feeding him and the amniotic fluid caring for his bathroom needs.

My sister and I have hypothesized, and everyday the evidence adds up more, that Baby has acid-reflux. Moreover, this is probably why he likes the front carrier, other than the obvious reason is that he is reminded of his perfect prior home in utero, it keeps him completely upright--a task not otherwise possible at this stage of his development.

A college friend once said, "Don't get mad, go shopping." And after that unhelpful doctor visit I took Baby to the Gateway, in the front carrier mind you, and enjoyed a wonderful day shopping. He loved being in the carrier and I loved being in the GAP.

***

Later that week my sister and I painted one of my basement walls red. It turned out fabulous.

And then more family came into town making my house full. We all chipped in on household chores and cooking Saturday night in preparation for the blessing. Funny thing is, we couldn't hold it at church the following day because we accidentally planned it on the same day as Stake Conference. Oops, I swear I wasn't trying to get out of Stake Conference this time. It turned out just as L wanted, however, at home. All the family and many friends came to support us and Baby. I think it was the first time our entire family was in one place at once--no one away on missions or away on sports trips or too busy with school/work.

I dressed Baby in this adorable white outfit I paid way too much for for 15 minutes of use. Baby will hate it and hate me, when he is old enough to care, for making him wear it...but that's what Mommies get to do. We served Hawaiian haystacks (later my Hawaiian uncle informed me there is nothing "Hawaiian" about the meal), an assortment of salads, and Strawberry Shortcake. It was a big hit, inauthentic as it was.

There is something special about your baby being blessed by your husband and family members. Of course I cried. And Baby did too if you were wondering. Remember? He ALWAYS cries.

***

Then it was off to Oregon. We stayed with my parents and Baby got to sleep in the cradle I slept in as a baby. He actually really like it and slept well.

My sister's baby came down with pink eye before they left Utah and thank goodness no one got it (except L's mom) but we all came down with a horrible cold the second the plane touched down.

So, here is one more thing that takes the edge off Baby's crying: airplanes/flying. I can't explain what doesn't make sense, okay...

We got to go to my favorite place on earth, so far. The Oregon Coast. So beautiful. The sun was shining and it was just a little bit windy. I wrapped Baby in this beautiful baby coat my sister loaned to us which looks like a polar bear. I couldn't stop snapping pictures of him. We just had to stop in at Tillamook Cheese Factory to watch the production and sample cheese and ice cream. If you have never eaten Tillamook Cheese you need to stop reading and run to the nearest grocery store right now. We purchased Baby a cow stuffed animal, the same one we bought his cousin three years ago.

Saturday was a very special day for my family. We were able to go to the Portland Temple to see my sister's new baby sealed to their family. I feel honored to have been in attendance. Especially since there was some drama around being admitted; I'd lost my temple recommend!

Sunday was another very special day. We were able to attend my sister's new baby's blessing. The baby's birth mother was in attendance and it was an honor to meet her.

Well, He Got Me

So far, Baby has done the following all over L:

-Pooped Twice
-Peed Many Times
-Spit
-Spit Up

I have evaded all (except the very few times he has missed his spit rag and spit up on me). Is it wrong to have deluded myself into thinking he likes me better as a result? Here's why I have justified thinking he likes me better:

-I bore him

This is a stand alone reason why a child should like their mother more than their father. But, you know me, I have more:

-I endured morning sickness
-I endured the side effects of the medication prescribed to treat morning sickness
-I took no vacation/sick leave in just about a year to save up for maternity leave...this is such a HUGE sacrifice in my line of work
-I gained 27 lbs (another stand alone reason)
-I had a huge needle stuck in my back
-I was paralyzed for nearly 24 hours
-I had food aversion for two weeks after delivery
-I get up in the middle of the night to comfort him, every time he cries
-I feed him six times a day, which takes over an hour each time
-I comfort him when he is screaming at the top of his lungs and I have a splitting headache
-I endured leakiness from every part of my body for weeks (okay, maybe not every part)
-I no longer fit in more than half of my wardrobe
-I worry every second of every minute of every hour of every day
-I have learned to administer a suppository
-I have referred to the pacifier/Sooth.ie as "binkie" more than once (see previous blog post)
-Etc.
-Etc.
-Etc.

But today, he got me. He pooped projectile feces onto me, everywhere. I knew vomit could be projectile but I had no idea stool could be...the life lessons just keep on coming don't they? The poop incident disproves my delusion.

It's A Miracle!

I don't find it necessary to post every day, but bear with me because I have a miracle to report:

Yesterday Baby starting sucking a regular pacifier, not such a big deal? Well when you have a fussy baby it is a dream come true. For the first month of his life he would only suck on the hospital issue Sooth.ie. Unfortunately it is shaped exactly like his bottle nipples (and we have to use those bottles to reduce his gas) and so when we would place the Sooth.ie in his mouth he would get offended that it wasn't food--even after he gorged himself to the point of spitting up and scream at us--this is what he does when he is angry. If we tried to pacify him during a temper tantrum the Sooth.ie would just make it worse. Further, the Sooth.ie shape does not stay in a baby's (who is just learning to suck) mouth very well, so it never was effective (on the rare occasion it was working) for very long. We would swaddle the Sooth.ie to Baby's face to help it stay in place.

Yesterday the Sooth.ie was lost, a travesty for most parents with infants, but really not a big loss for us. So during a diaper changing L tried the regular type of pacifier for the millionth time and lo and behold, it worked for hours...hours! All evening and all night and now all morning. Baby, at one month old slept 8 hours last night. I would like to thank the good old fashion pacifier (and my sister's infant sleeping advice).

Here's more photos I didn't have time to blog yesterday

Baby's first day of church was today. He was sooooo good, a little too good.

Damn loves to hang out in the Baby's things...the other picture of Damnit would not upload--it was her and Baby napping together.

Why is Daddy's idea of helping napping?

My beautiful Aunties love me. Uncle Jordan is in the background looking like another Auntie!

He looks like one of those 1980's toys, Glowbugs

Baby napping is a good time to get things done...oh wait, no it's not!

Yo Shorty, It's Your Birthday

Baby is one month old (at 10:25 pm) today. I thought I would photo chronicle his life up to this point. This picture is when Baby arrived home from the hospital. This picture does not show Mommy's facial expression which says, "What the h do we do now?" Good thing Grandma Debi came to teach Mommy what the h to do...

"Hi-yah!"

I hate getting out of my bath...

But I love being in my bath!

Anne Geddes baby? Not quite!

Damn's revenge

Baby taking one right in the face. This is the first time that damn helped give a bath. Now she helps every night.

Civil Rights Don't Apply to Everyone?

Not sure how many people outside of Utah and Texas are aware of the government searches of the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saint compound over the last week in Texas, but I would like to comment on this issue.

First, I need to make it clear to my readers that the FLDS religion is not affiliated with my LDS faith (aka Mormonism). Polygamy is not condoned by my fellow church members and my church leaders, and has not been practiced by Mormons in good standing with the church in more than a hundred years.

Second, as a human being, as a member of society, and as a dedicated youth therapist it is my moral, personal, and legal responsibility to report child abuse to authorities. Taking such civic and ethical responsibilities very seriously I find all child abuse abhorrent and I have difficulty understanding, and having empathy for, anyone that abuses an innocent child.

Third, I have always had a difficult time with the notion of Polygamy--not a fan. I have not been able to temper what I know to be true in my religion and the fact that my religion does have a Polygamy history. I struggle to understand why Utah's AG has looked the other way when it comes to enforcing Utah law and prosecuting the illegalities of the many Utah Polygamists. That is, until now...

With this said, I find the Texas raids deeply disturbing. When the news first broke I didn't understand my initial uncomfortable feelings--why did it bother me that Texas was finally doing what I have often criticized Utah for not doing? It took several days for me to analyze my feelings and here goes: it comes down to basic civil rights. Do we not have the right to practice religion in this country, as long as it does not impede on another's rights? I finally understand why Utah's AG has not taken this on--they will find themselves in a messy Civil Rights battle. Despite my own discomfort with Polygamy, don't Polygamists have a right to worship just like I do? My faith has been grossly unpopular in the past and I can't help but think about the persecution Mormons unjustly endured for many years. Might I point out it was legal to kill a Mormon in the state of Missouri until just a few years ago? If the FDLS faith is going to be prosecuted for their worship, how long will it be until all of us are prosecuted/persecuted for our worship? America is based on fundamental human rights and I want to keep mine. I want to keep mine even when I disagree with someone else's interpretation of their rights, just as long as my rights/safety and my children's rights/safety are not infringed upon as a result.

Further, was it really necessary to take more than 450 (I cannot even wrap my head around this number) children into state's custody? As stated above I advocate investigating child abuse allegations and prosecuting offenders to the full extent of the law. And I am glad Texas took the abuse allegation seriously and initiated an investigation. But taking nearly 500 children out of their homes is complete over-kill and the resulting trauma of being removed from their parents inflicted on those children makes me very glad I am not a children's therapist in Texas that will have to clean up the emotional mess the Texas government has created. I can think of many ways this particular FLDS group could have been investigated without removing all of the children.

One of the nightly news headlines last night was, "Fundamentalist Women Taking Matters Into Their Own Hands and Fight To Get Their Children Back." Good for them, go FLDS women!

Mission Impossible

My life has one simple two-parter goal: 1) Do everything in my power to avoid Baby crying 2) Get Baby to stop crying as quickly as possible.

Currently I am failing miserably at both parts of this mission.

I find I am frustrated that even I cannot soothe Baby in a reasonable amount of time. We are going to be hated everywhere we go--don't worry, we will not be one of those couples who take their baby to the movies. Unfortunately, we are already one of those couples who has taken their infant to restaurants (even non-family friendly ones...hey, I deserve a decent meal whether or not I have a baby...right?!), the mall, and the library (horror of all horrors). And soon we will be one of those couples with a baby on an airplane and one of those couples whose baby cries throughout church services--oh wait, this was one of my motivations to have a baby, a valid excuse to sit in the foyer and not listen. Sweet. I guess even a crying baby has its perks.

Baby loves JT

Last night Baby communicated to us his favorite musician--Justin Timberlake. I think I'm a little embarrassed for him (as I am a closeted fan, at least until now).

Baby has a gas problem which causes him a great deal of discomfort at times and the other day L had i.tunes on random while we prepared for Baby's first photo shoot. Baby was gassy and fussy and suddenly JT's 'Sexy Back' begins to play and Baby stops crying and appears to be listening. I think it is a fluke and I get a kick out of making him dance to the song (his best move so far, the sprinkler). Then last night Baby was throwing a huge screaming gas temper tantrum and L turned on JT again to see if it would work to calm Baby down--it worked! Baby stopped crying immediately and began listening. And then just now as I sat down to do some business on the computer Baby began fussing and I immediately pulled up the media player and began playing JT, and again Baby stopped crying to listen. Now he is laying contentedly on my lap taking in the tunes. Looks like Baby's third concert (the second was Jim Brickman) will be JT if he ever comes to Utah.

One Week Down, 17 Years and 51 Weeks To Go

I have been a mother for one week now. This is what I have learned about motherhood so far:

• It is harder than it looks
• It is normal to cry, a lot
• It is exciting when Baby does simple things like poop
• It is the main subject between husband and wife
• It is exhausting
• It is a wonder women have been doing this for thousands of years all over the world, successfully
• It is awesome
  

The First Day of Spring

Every year I look forward to it, every year I relish it, and every year it's the best day of my year. And now it's gotten even better.

My precious baby was born March 19, 2008, the first day of spring. Just like spring brings a light to my life, baby brings more happiness than I could have ever imagined...and his birthday will continue to be the best day of my years to come.

Wednesday morning I nervously got ready for my early doctor appointment. We had discussed induction in our prior visit but I wasn't sure if my doctor would give me the go-ahead. Well, she did. When I was faced with the decision to head straight over to the hospital to begin the process I became suddenly ambivalent. Good thing L and I had discussed it on the way to the appointment:

M: If she gives us the option we say 'yes', right?
L: I guess so.

This too-brief conversation did not prepare me for the ensuing panic attack. We had to drive about ten miles home to get my stuff (of course it was packed and ready) and I cried uncontrollably all the way home. As I looked at my baby-free home of six years I realized, emotionally, for the first time that my life was to change more than I could possibly comprehend. I wasn't sure those would be welcome changes. I looked sadly at my kitty and thought how angry she would be to have to share her parents. I looked around at my very messy/cluttered kitchen and thought about all the new things that would adorn our counters from now on (e.g. bottles, formula, nipples, bottle liners, baby Ty.len.ol, diaper rash cream, etc.). I looked one last glance at my stain-free white carpet (I'm sorry I keep bringing it up, but I love my carpet being stain-free). But as L's blessing he gave me before we left ended I took one last glance around and realized how empty our home really has been...

We got to the hospital at about 11:00 am and with virtually nerves gone, started the induction process. Technically I began the medication drip around noon. Four hours later the progress had been slow but average. My doctor told my nurse she would be over to break my water. I got so worried that it would hurt I got my epidural at that point. The anesthesiologist had one of those really old school bed-side manners where he barely looked or spoke to me . I cracked a few jokes he did not find funny while he administered the lifeline of labor and delivery. Though cold and aloof he is my hero--I always imagined labor and delivery pain-free just to cope...and he delivered my fantasy! Take note folks, these fantasies into reality are rare in life but totally awesome when they come.

After the water breaking and epidural things picked up dramatically and four hours later I was ready to push. Unfortunately, my doctor was delivering another more complicated case at the other hospital and I had to wait for two hours! This was the worst part of it. Waiting always sucks, but since the fetal monitors were having difficulty picking up baby's heart beat I had to lay in one position that whole time. The upper, non-numb, portion of my body's muscles began to seize up and it was pretty miserable (hey, but whose complaining?).

***

This is a great part of the story to give my labor and delivery nurse props. She was so amazing and gifted I get tearful just thinking about it. Imagine Nurse Barbie, that is what she looked like. My first reaction when she introduced herself to me was, "Great, someone who looks astonishing to make the most humble point in my life so far feel even worse." But she was exactly the opposite--she made everything better, everything. She was more attentive, caring, concerned, compassionate, informative, interested, positive, laid back, patient, and truly kind than any medical professional I have ever worked with. She gave me one-on-one attention and eased my nerves and discomfort in ways I would have never known to ask for. She even stayed after her shift, when she had to travel nearly 20 miles each way to get her son after her shift ended at 11:00 pm, to transport me herself to recovery. This was not her job but she volunteered to do it. She told me, "I like to see my patients through the whole process...I really hate leaving them." While I was pushing she stroked my legs and arms--it reminded me of how Grandpa Wilcox's home health care nurse stroked his head in his last hours of life--it really moved me to have someone show me such compassion. So, thanks RA for making my labor and delivery experience truly wonderful.

***

My doctor finally arrived at about 10:00 pm and I began to push. I only pushed for about 20-25 minutes because at 10:25 pm my baby was born. I have to tell you all a secret: I wasn't pushing will all my might at one point early on and she said, "Wow, that was a good push" and so I didn't even push that hard after that. Why expend 100% effort when 75% gets the job done? Pushing and delivering was so easy it was ridiculous--the easiest part of the experience by far. Once his head was out I could breath so much easier that I had for several months. The rest of him slid out within a flash. By the way, L was helping with his whole process (glad I didn't have to see what he saw)--our doctor is really cool. She laid him on my tummy and he stared up into space until the realization came to him that he could breath--then came the screams which only lasted a couple of minutes. L cut the cord right on my belly! Then transition nurse took him and L to the heat lamp table and did what they do, the APGAR test, weight, height, Vit. K shot, Vit A in eyes, etc. while I finished the dirty task of delivering the placenta (wow, that thing is gross). I had to get sutured as well.

L went with baby, after I held him for a few minutes, to get his bath while I was taken to recover in a new unit. I was so wound up after this experience I didn't sleep at all the rest of the night, making the next day pretty long and arduous. Baby slept in the nursery while I laid awake pondering everything that had just happened. There really are no words to describe those personal feelings so I will not even attempt.

Since my self-administered epidural (they give you a button to push, and I got a little happy about it apparently) took more than 10 hours to wear off L and the nurses had to carry me to and from the bathroom and wait on me hand and foot. I am a little ashamed to admit I loved being waited on like this. I didn't take advantage, however, and sent L home at 5:00 am because he began to be quite moody. At this point in the story I would like to give myself props. I wasn't rude to L once, not once throughout this process. The one time I got angry at him was when he grabbed my IV wrist for the 18 hundredth time and I punched him. I was in such a good mood, in fact, I was cracking jokes with my doctor while taking pushing breaks.

Baby's stats: 7 lbs 9 oz
20 inches long
Born: 03/19/08 at 10:25 pm, in Ogden Utah, the first day of spring