Rage

I haven't had the episodes of intense anger, and resulting irrational behavior, I had during the end of my second trimester with Hip...

until today...

Our old city is having its yearly celebration this week. Festivities include singing contests, a carnival at the park, activities for small children, a parade and fireworks tomorrow night. This evening after dinner we took Hip to the carnival. He rode motorcycle rides and a car ride. Since I am pregnant I chose not to go on the Ferris Wheel with L and Hip instead waiting below in the cool shaded grass with L's sister and her boyfriend.

Suddenly I felt this odd squirrelly touch on the right side of my middle back. I turned slightly to see a stocky man casually dressed pushing a double stroller with two children walking next to him. He said, "Excuse me." I moved out of the way and said, "Don't ever touch me again." You may find my response rude, but I am super confused why he would a) need to touch me at all b) touch my middle back c) touch me in such a creepy manner. I had no problem moving out of the way of his family, I had a problem with the manner in which he touched me.

Being offended by my female empowered response he replied VERY rudely, "Then stay the hell out of the way!"

That's the moment. The one where all I saw was red. I charged after him and said with equal rudeness (and maybe a little more), "*#$@ YOU!" He turned back around, saw that I am pregnant, and looked at my sister-in-law's boyfriend. He started walking back toward my sister-in-law and her boyfriend and said to him, "Are you the one with the problem here?"

You can imagine the boyfriend's surprise. He replied cooly, "You don't push your way over a lady, sir."

"You got a problem? You want to take this over there," he said with equal amount of rage I was experiencing and pointing in a northerly direction.

"No I don't," the boyfriend remaining calm.

Remembering my role as a peacemaker and mediator, professionally, I said to the man, "You are not okay. You should go get some help."

The man then said, "Let's go talk this over with my friend, Officer Jensen."

"You do that," the boyfriend said.

The man walked away and stopped some 50 yards away to be with his family of three children and a wife. They all looked so normal over there and I kept wondering if he beats his wife in private. After the rage subsided, which took nearly two hours, I began to feel very sorry for his children and wonder if this is a common experience of his family because they literally did not stick around to witness any of this guy's behavior toward us, or our behavior toward him in all fairness.

I feel deeply ashamed of my use of profanity. Especially in public and especially at a family event. It truly is unlike me to behave in such a manner, though it is not unlike me to stand up in the face of injustice. I am absolutely not sorry for standing up for myself and my body. No one has a right to touch me (break my bubble). This is something I have taught with great energy for 5 years in order to empower children and to empower people who have been victimized. I am proud I proved myself to not be a hypocrite and took action.

Each episode of pregnancy rage I have experienced has come from a valid place. It's just my extreme emotional response and behavior that have me slightly amused, but a lot worried. With Hip I had 4 major incidents in a matter of 4 weeks. I hope that tonight is my first and last with this pregnancy.

And I hope this is the last time I get groped at a community event.