This is me.
I forgot your birthday.
Helen Keller said, "Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world." That's what I was busy doing when I forgot your birthday--self-pitying.
I haven't blogged much lately, because I was well-aware of my self-pity and quite ashamed to admit it. Blogging is about honesty for me and I knew my self-pity would come through. Unfortunately, it did come through in other ways, like holding my thoughts captive instead of thinking of others. And, nonetheless, I am ashamed.
A birthday is a time to celebrate, to rejoice in what the person has contributed to others. So here goes, belatedly:
I recently read, "People of the Book" by Geraldine Brooks. Part of it takes place in Sarajevo which hits a bit close to home for us. The novel documents some of Yugoslavia's war-time history and it made me think of your forefathers who had the wisdom and fortitude to leave Yugoslavia. I know this is a subject you have been thinking a lot about over the last few years as you have faithfully worked on your Yugoslavian family history. By slaving over this task you have provided a great blessing to me in the form of gratitude for my ancestors, pride in my heritage, and a feeling of being connected to the past and the future. Being the social worker that I am, I can't help wonder what these people were like and about their personalities. The best way to figure that out is to observe what we are like and wonder what characteristics and qualities we might share.
You are intelligent. From what you have gathered about your Grandpa Sajovic's life, I think he was like that too. You are the most intelligent person I actually know. Intelligence is a mix of knowledge and ability to think rationally, logically and reasonably. I still count on your opinion more so than my own most of the time. In fact, I appreciate your insight about how I should conduct myself regarding the sale of my house and property/settling my financial affairs more than any other gift you have ever given me. I knew when I called you to discuss those issues you would have the most reasonable solutions because you are able to put aside the frivolous and unimportant. Moreover, I have great faith in you and your advice.
You are quiet. I think you get this from Grandma. Grandma has quiet dignity and calmness that soothes. You do too.
You are steadfast. Some people may confuse this as stubborn but I choose "steadfast" as a personal adjective (to describe myself) and I know I get it from you. "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness in hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." 2 Nephi 31: 20.
You are kind, giving, and compassionate. The time, effort, expense, and patience it took for you to help us move to Michigan will never be forgotten or lost on us. Thank you seems too trite of phrase to describe my (our) immense gratitude to you for that.
You have a way with words. Our immediate and extended family and people in Canby 1st ward have all complimented your ability to speak publicly. And it is a huge compliment if I enjoy your writing/style, which I do. I know that if I practiced more I would have a way with words too, thanks to your endless hours of editing my work.
You are humble. I've never heard you brag and I've never known you to be lofty, arrogant, or to care about worldly things. Not ever. Not even close.
You are interesting. I really like hearing about your life, present and past.
You love your family. You love your grandchildren.
Thank you for being my dad. One of my favorite memories, of many because you have been an active part of my life, is one drizzly Oregon day I was playing soccer in Lake Oswego and when I glanced over to the sidelines I saw you there in a trench coat and hat. I did not know you were going to come to that game and I was glad you did. I'm not sure why I like that memory so much but maybe because it captures nearly everything I have written about you today. I am glad you enjoyed coming to watch me play sports, even though I was lousy, it made playing a lot more fun.
Love, Me
2 comments:
Thanks for that tribute. How true it is.
Thank you for the kind, hearfelt thoughts. I truly appreciate it. Mom reminded me that we forgot your b-day once when you were in college. So now we are even. As they say, the it's the thought that counts, not the timing. And maybe your delay made it even more meaningful this year with you being so far away. It cross my mind that you have been away from her about ten years now. I miss doing things with you.
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